Big Brother
Kent's Last Stand

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Kent's Last Stand

Kent really, really, really wants Big Brother to give him some more cigarettes. He begs the camera. He pleads in the Diary Room. He moans. He groans. He wails. Eventually, the producers give him the patch and a prescription for Zyban. And this kicks off the Kent Has Something In His Mouth portion of Big Brother, as the big guy chaws on everything from a straw to a pencil from now until eternity. Yup, the old oral fixation. A harsh mistress, indeed.

Hardly says that the only person he doesn't want to see win is Bunky. The two of them have a rather illuminating discussion in the Hot Box. Hardly tells Bunky that he's under the impression that anything Hardly says to Bunky will eventually make its way to Kent. Bunky insists that isn't true. Hardly shrugs, and tells Bunky that, at any rate, just because he doesn't tell him "stuff," it doesn't mean they're not friends. Bunky points out that he's never told anyone something Hardly confided to him, and asks whether Hardly is threatened by Bunky as a possible winner. Hardly says he isn't. Then he tells Bunky that Hardly isn't out to win the game; he's out to ensure that someone else wins. "Okay," Bunky says. "You want to tell me who?" Hardly does not. He leaves the Hot Box in a girly huff. Bunky looks into the camera. "He is threatened by me. And he has reason to be. Because I'm going to win." Wouldn't that be nice? Yeah, it's not going to happen.

Next is a hilarious segment, in which Will attempts to goad Nicole into admitting that she's in love with him. Nicole to gobsmacked. "Nooooo," she says. The producers cue up some soft-core porn music, and it tinkles softly in the background as Will just stares at her, totally straightfaced. "You think I'm falling in love with you?" Nicole asks. "That's what I'm saying," Will says. Nicole bursts into laughter. "I need some liquor," she says. In the Big Blue Chair of You Just Noticed That?, Nicole comments that Will is "a freak!" And she decides to call his bluff.

Cut to Will's twelfth shower of the day. Nicole comes into the bathroom. "All right, let's go," she says, removing her shoes and pants. The porno music bow-chicka-wow-wows in the background again. Will cracks a huge smile as Nicole opens the shower door. "Are we really hooking up? We're hooking up right now? In the shower? Take your clothes off!" he says gleefully. Nicole starts laughing and shakes her head and bails "Where are you going?" Will asks. "Get in the shower! I thought we were hooking up! Where are you going?" He's totally biting the inside of his lip, trying not to crack up. Ah, Will. Funny, evil Will. So funny. So evil.

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Big Brother

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