Big Brother
Li'l Soul Patch Hits The Bricks

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Strange Weather We're Having

At the end of the competition, everyone hugs. I think Jason smells the burnt toast that is his own ass. Again, I am distracted by the fact that I just don't need that much of his hairless chest.

It's almost time for the last eviction. Oh, thank goodness. At this point, this den of buffoons can't empty fast enough for me. I think the lizard tank is basically the last undisturbed pool of dignity.

The eviction takes us back into the living room. Lisa baby-talks to Julie that she's nervous, and then Danielle and Jason get a chance to plead their cases. Neither of them chooses to do so. They just say how much they love Lisa. Eh, suck-ups. Tearfully, Lisa stands up and says that she hasn't been selfish in the game up until now, but that this is about to be a very selfish choice. With big giant tears rolling down her big giant face, Lisa evicts Jason. He understands, of course. Because he has no evident emotions at all, and is apparently one big old confection. He is Jason, Man Of Marzipan. Danielle and Lisa both cry and escort him to the door. He leaves the house and flip-flops into the studio to meet up with Julie. Back in the house, Danielle and Lisa both cry. You know, I feel like I'm about tapped out on the "Danielle, you orchestrated that, so please stop weeping" number, but...she did. So she should.

In the Chenterview, Jason's first comment is, "I feel like Danielle has the game." He congratulates her, because of course, it's all over. Hee hee. Yeah, probably. Could the boy be any less perceptive? "It was what I've played for," he says. Oh, good. More people who are too noble to play for themselves. Bleh. He says he knew that Lisa would evict him, and then he talks some more about the wonder of Danielle, and I start to get a headache around this time, so can we just cut this short? He's cute. He's not too bright. He got played by Danielle. He continues to buy the Danielle line hook, line, and sinker. When Julie asks him if he'd do anything differently, he says, "I would have won the competition tonight," and because I think Jason isn't quick enough to bluff that, I think that's further evidence of the non-throwing theory, but again, he could just be much sneakier than I'm thinking. He vows to vote for Danielle. His farewell videos are just about what you'd expect. Boo hoo, we love you. He also talks back to them and waves to them on the TV. Weirdo.

Jason is turned over to his family. Everyone cries. "Go get it, Danielle!" he calls out. Ha! This is so satisfying.

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Big Brother

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