Big Brother
Li'l Soul Patch Hits The Bricks

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Strange Weather We're Having

Now, unfortunately, it's time to visit with some of our less-than-dearly departed houseguests. Julie says that their lives have gone on since they left the house. I suppose that's sort of a relative statement, requiring some point of reference regarding the degree to which they had lives before. We start with Josh, because the universe is unkind to me. He is fondling his unfortunate cat, who manages to look both bored and sort of grossed out. Come to think of it, that's about how I usually felt about Josh. I totally feel your pain, kitty. Since he left the house, Josh's largest accomplishment appears to be having grown a large, unwieldy goatee. It's not up there with the TiVo beard, in terms of how appalling it is, but it certainly isn't taking home any prizes. The chin part looks like an upside-down mushroom. We also see him assure his mother on the phone that people like him. I wonder where he's finding these people. I certainly don't know any of them. When interviewed, he whines some more about how he was betrayed by all his closest friends in the house. Yes, yes, your story is very sad. Let's not go all through it again. Please. He is still joined at the hip to the unfortunate Merritt, and we see them watching the show together. Josh remarks that Danielle is playing the game "incredibly well" and deserves to make it to the final two. He points out that Danielle has done a brilliant job getting other people to do all the dirty work for her. Can't argue with that. Josh and Merritt make out some more. I need an aspirin. They stick their tongues out and make faces. Aaaaagh! Medic! Blah blah blah romance (theirs) and nausea (mine).

Now we check up on Chiara, whose friends appear not to have become any less annoying than they were when we saw them before. Too much time in the tanning beds, not enough in the De-Annoying-Izer. She says she's going "back to normal." Yeah, that one's got to be considered relative as well. And then, the inevitable topic. "I might not have won a half-million dollars," she says, "but I got him." And I think we all know who "he" is. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she has apparently managed to miss approximately 12,000 extremely clear signals that he wants nothing to do with her, so Kiki is still hanging on to her deep and abiding love for the odious Roddy. We also get the opportunity to listen to Chiara talk about Amy, and we all know how much fun that always is. She says that Amy is "extremely insecure." Well, you should know, Clingy O'Clingham. "I think that she is very angry at having a pretty girl in the house that got a lot of attention." Oh, my goodness. Okay, first of all, even if that's true, you do not say it about yourself. Ever. No matter what. No! Second of all, I don't know one single guy who watched this show who walked away with any sort of affection for Chiara as the "pretty girl." Every straight man I know who watched this show all summer is of the opinion that far and away the cutest and most appealing girl on it was Lisa. If anything, they use the notion of finding Chiara cute as a joke. Unfortunately, there is no ladder tall enough to allow Chiara to get over herself now. The biggest ones at Home Depot won't even afford her a glimpse of her own shoes.

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Big Brother

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