Time to check in with some more of last year's houseguests. Monica has gone to part-time work at her candy store, because she wants to do television and "theater." Sheesh. Is it rude for me to ask what it is about being on reality television that makes people think they should become actors? It's not as if the skill set is the same. She appears to be very much as she was last year. They also follow up on the story of her cousin, who was never found after she went missing at the World Trade Center. Sigh. It's very sad. Don't know what else to say.

Bunky is now disturbingly ripped -- apparently the interest in working out that he developed while in the house has stayed with him. Because his arms? Are huge. Is this Huge Arm Day at the Big Brother house or what? He apparently has a "Bunkymania" show that he takes around to make money for charity. The explanation of exactly what this show consists of is conspicuously absent. He and his sweetie are "fantabulous" (hee) and very happy. He also confirms what Kent said last week, which is that he and Kent are still buds. Yay, unlikely friendships!

Sheryl has been battling breast cancer. She's been through chemotherapy and surgery, and she explains how much she's enjoyed having no hair. In fact, she thinks she could probably never go back to her newscaster helmet-hair again. Take that, Julie Chen. Sheryl is cool.

Ah, Will. Interestingly, this segment is basically a microcosm of all of last season, because when they first show him, I sort of think, "Eh, he's not really as awesome as I remember." He talks about how he's in L.A. doing the Minor Celebrity Mambo (it's sort of pathetic listening to him talk about how people buy him dinner), and how he has a medical license, so "if you want some good care, come to me." And then he sort of smirks, and I begin to feel his evil thrall sneaking up on me. He gives us the update on Buttercup (doing great) and on his stupid friends (still friends with Mike, won't talk about Shannon). "My relationship with Shannon is...women! Can't live with 'em, can't get 'em to dress up like Princess Leia and beat you with a warm squash." Yes, he really says that. And yes, it's so tacky that he deserves to be hated for life. And yet his evil thrall creeps up around my ankles and wraps itself around my leg.

The old houseguests snark about the new houseguests -- Monica is hot for Eric; Bunky says that unlike Marcellas, he isn't the cashmere-and-pearls type; and Sheryl can "relate to" Tonya, whatever that means. Will: "If I had to pick one person who I think's going to win the game, I'd pick a male, dark hair, very charismatic, good-looking...oh, that's me!" And his evil thrall climbs me like a trellis and wraps itself around my neck. And then I start making out with Will's evil thrall. I apologize.