Big Brother
Marcellas Makes His Move

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Peanut Butter...Shudder

In the Big Bed Room, Eric is hard at work, covering himself with veggies. "I need more lettuce," he says matter-of-factly. Jason's getup -- because it was designed with the fashion-conscious help of Amy and Marcellas -- is gorgeous, constructed from some of the straw and leis and stuff that I think were left over from the luau. It is plainly in a different class than the bikinis of the other men. Gerry is working a diaper idea constructed from paper towels. You can almost see the social cooties growing in colonies on the top of his head, like bacteria in a petri dish. Finally, the enigmatic Roddy emerges in a white robe, and when he opens it, he reveals that he has covered up his goodies with Marcellas's picture from the memory wall. Hee. The winners of the beauty pageant are Roddy (for obvious reasons) and Chiara (for no apparent reason).

Lie down and take your Pepto, because it's time to salute the Great Mush of Love between Roddy and Chiara. Hilariously sentimental Piano Music of Canoodling starts up and continues throughout. Deee, da-da-da deee...Roddy and Chiara sit in the hammock, liking each other. In the diary room, he calls her "a ton of laughs," which I again say is a Phrase of Death, but...apparently not, because now they're in bed, liking each other. Deee, da-da-da deee...lots of night-vision whispering that I think they pretty clearly believe is private, because they underestimate the sheer power of the Big Brother sound system to pick up even the tiniest hiss of conversation when the producers really set their minds to it. Roddy tells Chiara that when she meets his parents, she has to pretend to be from Denmark, which is kind of funny, except that he's talking to her about meeting his parents, and I like him, and I don't like her, so it's all terribly heartbreaking. This entire thing is upsetting my worldview, quite honestly. Do I have to swear off banter forever? What will I do with my free time?

Food challenge. Disgusting. Two teams, big house made of brownies, you have to eat the house with your hands tied behind your back, and whichever team collectively gains the most weight in fifteen minutes wins. Losers eat PB&J all week. Nothing interesting happens except that Josh cheats and is disqualified. Oh, and because they have to check on who gained the most weight, they have to be publicly weighed before and after. So once again, this show has found a way to intentionally aggravate the very complex complexes that these women already have about their weight. This just can't be over soon enough for me. The one thing I do like about it is that after the number of times I've felt like throwing up while watching this show, it's nice to see them clearly feel like throwing up while appearing on it. The winners are Roddy, Lisa, Jason, and Amy. From what I heard about the live feeds, they also let Josh eat real food, which makes no sense at all -- he should obviously have been stuck with PB&J. His cheating took the form of stuffing food down his pants, so it's not like it was inadvertent.

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Big Brother

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