Endless shots of fake boobies fade to an interview with Lenny, Mike's so-called "partner" at Belly, who implores the rest of the houseguests to "drop the zero and keep the hero." I find it remarkably apropos that Lenny would campaign for Mike using the tag line from Vanilla Ice's seminal film, Cool As Ice.
Vote number one. Will says some nice stuff about Krusta, but votes her scabby ass out of the house anyway.
We further investigate Hardy's and Will's godless alliance. Somehow, they've gone from hating, loathing, and deriding one another to comparing their shaved legs. I don't even know what to say about that. Seriously. I'm speechless. I am without speech. The two of them agree that they're not "buddy buddy," but that they have "respect and understanding toward each other." Also, there's that whole part where Hardy can take Will to the end and be assured of beating him in a final vote.
Big Blue Chair of Crest-Fallen TOP Members: Bunky says that it's hard to see Hardy "kissing Will's butt."
At long last, Julie begins the "live" portion of the show. Yammer yammer, it's hard to be HoH, blah blee blee blah, Kent did a good job, yada yada this portion of the show is the same every ding dang week. Finally, Julie gets around to asking Krusta and Mike for their final thoughts. Mike spews some crap about coming to the house to "party" and "have a good time." I miss a lot of what he says because I'm praying that he doesn't rap. No rap. No rap. No rap. No rap. Okay, we dodged a bullet there. It's Krusta's turn, and she treats America (and Canada!) to a long, rambling, senseless speech, encompassing everything from "spooning lessons" to her birthday to alliances to something about "blow[ing] it up for the world." I have no idea what she just said there. I'm sorry. Even the closed captioner gave up, I think. Krusta needs to invest in some note cards next time she gives a speech -- for instance, when she goes up to speak at Justin's parole hearing.