Holy fuck. More. Mike talks and talks and talks and talks about Krusta. He wants her to win. He wants her to move to Los Angeles. He wants to "party" with her. Julie unspools footage of Will telling Mike to keep in touch and have a bitchin' summer, and of Krusta weeping that the house isn't the same without him, and thanking him for the "spooning lesson." At long last, Julie brings in Mike's mom and grandma. ["They must be so proud." -- Wing Chun] Cue hugging and learning. The. End. See. You. Next Week!
Argggggggh. We still have the HoH competition. It's yet another dull and uninteresting houseguest trivia extravaganza, about who was married most, and who served in Desert Storm, and involves a cube, covered in pictures. Finally, it gets down to Hardy and Nicole, and Hardy wins, not that it matters, since they're both in the Pinky-Swear Alliance of Doom with Will. "Damn, it's hard to be so good!" Hardy crows. Shut up. I'm so glad we broke up. I want my CDs back, Hardy. And the last four weeks of my life!
Inside, Hardy says more stuff about being so good. Will mournfully peels Shannon's picture off the cube.
The episode that will not end even throws an America's Choice question into the mix. Apparently, the producers think it's a good idea to introduce an animal into that den of iniquity, and we, the viewing public, have to choose which of God's creatures ought to be sacrificed: a pig, a hamster, or a fish. That poor, poor animal.
Now, Julie goes back into the house to talk about the HoH competition. This is a new twist! She's never done this before! They must have left a little wiggle time in the live portion of the show in case Mike rapped, which, thank God, he did not. Hardy says that he's looking forward to getting the treats, food, and gifts that come with his position of power, and then says that he already knows who he's going to nominate! Julie makes a surprised face and bails to try to wash off the stench of pandering to The Man. Everyone scatters to smoke, except Kent, who's left all alone, thinking about how screwed he is.
The end. See you next week. For real, this time.