Bedtime. Hardy strips down to his Marky Mark-style boxer-briefs, right in front of a drooling Autumn. Um. Yeah. That was pretty impressive. He has a hell of a body. Hardy climbs into bed and hits the lights, and then Autumn jumps into his bed and gets under the covers with him. On the first day! Hardy is all, what the hell? She starts chattering, and he responds in a very, very sleepy voice, but Autumn doesn’t get the hint.

Autumn: Do you mind being affectionate with me?
Hardy: What do you mean, "affectionate"?
Autumn: Like, touching me. Does that bother you?
Hardy: [tersely] Not yet.

Autumn, meet Amaya. Amaya, meet Autumn. I think there are some things you need to discuss. Finally, Hardy makes Autumn go back to her own bed, and then says some stuff about Autumn needing to love herself, or she’ll never, ever learn to love anybody else, and I think he lifted his entire speech from a Madonna song.

Day two. People sort of wander around. The younger men -- and Bunky -- strip their shirts off and lift some weights and show off their abs. Monica and Sheryl and Autumn and Kent watch Hardy jump rope. Monica says that she loves her body, and then kisses each of her biceps. That totally cracked me up.

Later, Will, Justin, and Hardy hit the pool. I think the cameraman is in love with Hardy, because we get about twelve loving shots of his abs. Shannon strips down to her bikini and joins them. Her voice-over tells us that other women feel threatened by her, and she gets along better with guys. I hate girls who refuse to get along with other women, and then blame those women for it. I feel like they’ve bought into some kind of self-loathing “women are catty backstabbers” kind of rhetoric. Trust me, I have a lot of male friends, but I have a ton of girlfriends, too, and I think Shannon might be pleasantly surprised if she ever stopped thinking that all the other girls are jealous of her fake boobies. Oops, did I say that?