Bitchiest, coolest, horniest, vainest
Looking for the best?
Don’t choose me, I ain’t up for the test
I’m happy in my bed
We’ll have a big party.
He might be vain, but he jumps rope, his name is Hardy.
It’s hot out there, we’ll chill in the sun,
Pick me, or her, we’re still gonna have fun.

Thunderous applause. Remember, they don’t have a radio. This is the most music they’ve heard in…okay, two days. Julie Chen nods, like, yo, she’s down with this. Mike’s mad rapping skillz win him HoH. He dances like David Silver in celebration. Julie reminds Mike that he has to choose the two houseguests who will be nominated for eviction on Saturday. Mikes makes a thoughtful face. In an interview, he says that “a very dark reality hit him in the face, that [he] would be responsible for killing the hopes and dreams of one person.” Okay, dramatic much?

Julie Chen sits on a window seat in her special front-yard studio in a new cream suit, and reminds us that Mike will announce the nominations Saturday, the roommates will act all squirrelly in reaction to those nominations on Tuesday, and the eviction will happen, live, on Thursday!

Everyone races inside the special HoH room, where Mike lolls on the bed, surrounded by chicks. The rest of the guys are all, dude. Except Bunky. Justin stands at the foot of the bed and watches the girls stroke Mike’s chest. His lips are moving, like he’s talking to himself. Then, as everyone starts to leave, Justin tugs Mike’s arm and recites a little poem, which I’m sure he was just practicing, unaware that his mouth was actually moving. “My name is Mike Boogie and I’m here to say/I’m the Head of Household, it begins today!” He’s all proud of himself. Mike high-fives him. Aw, that was cute. As the rest of the roommates leave Mike’s room, he worries in a voice-over about whether being HoH will make the rest of the roommates think of him differently. He looks all thoughtful. Is he right? Only time will tell!