Bunky’s husband and friends watch him pack.
Krista loads a suitcase full of cigarettes, which totally explains her man voice.
“I plan by episode five, there’ll be a girl washing my clothes,” Will smirks. What happened to our love, Will? You’re dead to me now.
Mike leans back in a booth at this bar and admits that he likes “chilling with the lay-dies.” I crack up at this despite myself. Mike’s a bit old for this routine, but at least he’s kind of amusing.
Nicole holds her cat by her professional stove (I mean, she’s standing next to her professional stove; she isn’t, like, holding the kitty over a lit burner, or something) and purrs that we’re either going to love her or hate her.
Justin stands on his balcony. He tells us he’s “Justin Credible, and Justin Case you didn’t know, now you do.” Justin is Joey Tribbiani.
Ten more minutes of packing, then a hundred years of houseguests calling their friends and relatives to tell them that they’re going on CBS’s other reality show. Hugs are exchanged. People jump in their cars and drive away.
It’s ChenTime. She says something about the houseguests having nothing in common except courage or some shit before explaining the house’s sleeping arrangements. Basically, there are, like, three good beds (including a waterbed), a couple of halfway decent beds, and several cots. There’s also, for one incredibly unlucky houseguest, a sleeping bag on the floor. One of the bedrooms, Julie Chen says, “is the size of a large closet.” The other two bedrooms are separated only by a Plexiglas wall. I don’t get why the Plexiglas wall is a big deal. It’s not like the houseguests have all this privacy, anyway. How much of a difference does one glass wall make? Whatever. Julie then tells the camera, with the seriousness of Walter Cronkite announcing the assassination of JFK, that there is one private bedroom in the house, complete with a locked door. She smirks that she’ll explain that later.
They let the houseguests into the front yard, which is, of course, not actually a yard at all, but part of the CBS soundstage. Julie Chen tells them that they can’t talk to each other until they’re actually inside the house. Everyone looks pretty stoked. Julie chatters about some more stuff, but nobody listens to her because they’re all checking each other out. Blah blah summer-long-power-struggle blah blah half a million dollars. Julie tells the houseguests that they’re about to enter a world with no phones, no television, no Internet access, and no music. Kill me now. Seriously. Can they at least read a book, or something?
The houseguests enter the house in three randomly chosen groups of four. Julie advises them to get inside, pick a bed, and stay by it. They have sixty seconds to find a bed before the next group is allowed inside.