Big Brother
Move-In Day

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B- | Grade It Now!
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House of pain

Nicole, Hardy, Shannon, and Monica are the first group. They race inside and straight to the bedrooms. Monica scores the waterbed, and Hardy gets the primo queen-sized bed in the other room. The next group manages to get the mediocre beds, and the final group is more or less screwed; Autumn, for example, lands a cot. No one is more screwed than Kent, though, who ends up with the sleeping bag. Once inside, everyone starts screaming and talking at the same time. It’s like the first day at summer camp. There’s a lot of hugging and squealing of “girl!” In an interview, Autumn admits that the first thing she did was “check out the dudes, scope out the competition for the girls.” Immediately, she leaps on Hardy’s bed and throws her leg over his and kisses his cheek.

Shannon gets in the shower and looks up at the camera posted above the showerhead. Do they really use that? I mean, are they actually filmed in the shower? Dude, is this VoyeurDorm or something? She wanders back to the bedrooms and pronounces the pad “sweet.” Everyone else is talking at the same time, and I have no idea what anyone is saying.

Then Nicole bosses everyone into the living room and sits them in a circle and makes everyone share their names and professions and whatnot. “Nicole was all, I am lion, hear me roar,” Shannon says. Looked more like “I am bossy, vote me off” to me. Not that getting to know each other is a bad idea; Nicole just comes off as pushy and obnoxious when she suggests it.

She starts. “I’m Nicole, and I’m married,” she says, like she expects all the men to fall on their swords in despair at this news. Bunky tells the group that he’s married, but he doesn’t mention that he’s married to a man. In an interview, he whispers conspiratorially that he’s walking a line between staying in the closet and not technically lying. Mike is next. He says that his friends call him “Mike Boogie,” and he’s thirty. I so want to hate Mike, but I just can’t. He doesn’t take himself seriously enough for me to hate him. Hardy tells the group that he lives in Miami. He’s such a bohunk. Autumn confesses, in an interview, that she loves him. We know, Autumn. She’s also finagled a seat right next to him. Autumn tells the group that she’s a single mom with a four-year-old. In her one-on-one, Krista tells the camera that “Hardy is sent from heaven.” We get it. Ladies love cool Hardy. Back in The Circle Of Houseguests, Monica tells the group she’s been thirty for the last fifteen years. Everyone laughs. In addition to owning her own candy store, Monica prepares women to go from welfare to work. Dude, I can’t make fun of that! Seriously, how cool is it to own your own candy store? ["It would be even cooler if you knew someone who owned her own candy store, and therefore I need to get myself introduced to Monica somehow." -- Sars]

In an interview, Mike explains that he doesn’t think Monica or Nicole is playing the game very well. They’re acting “real,” he says, like they’re still in the audition process. So, Mike’s harmless class-clown schtick is a put-on, and part of a larger plan, huh? That’s actually kind of smart, provided he can keep it up.

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Big Brother

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