Back over at The Getting To Know You extravaganza, Sheryl tells the group that she has two kids, and she’s not going to tell anyone how old they are. Will looks over at her lasciviously. “Sherry, any way you look at it, is hot. And I hope her 17-year-old son isn’t watching, because I’m kind of embarrassed that I think his mom is hot,” he admits in an interview. I know that Sheryl is the one who loves Dr. Laura, and yet I do not hate her yet. She’s sort of sassy. Next, it’s Justin’s turn. He tells the houseguests that he doesn’t have any kids he “takes credit for.” What in the name of God is wrong with his teeth? He’s got, like, this one giant snaggletooth that sticks out when he talks. It’s very distracting. In an interview, Nicole, wearing too-young-for-her pigtails, snips that Justin is too crude. What’s up with her eyebrows? They’re all black and drawn in, and they scare me. Justin, in his own interview, admits that Nicole “turns him off big-time.”
Back to The Never-Ending Circle Of Getting To Know You. Nicole makes some noise about being worried about “taking a shit, and taking out her tampon,” on TV. Who’s crude, now? Behind her, Kent makes a face. He hates the youngsters today! He says some boring stuff to the crowd about his kids, before admitting that he doesn’t wear a wedding ring because his wife “won’t let him.” I’m so sure. This bonding exercise will never end. It’s Krista’s turn. She’s 28, with either an eleven-year-old or eleven-month-old daughter? I’m not sure which; her Jodie-Foster-in-Nell accent is too strong. She’s cute, though. Finally, it’s my ex-boyfriend Will’s turn. When he announces that he’s a doctor, Shannon shoots him this blatant “hey, a hot doctor,” look that totally cracks me up. He tells the group that he deferred going to medical school for a year so he could attend law school and business school. So, is he a lawyer, too, or did he just take a year of law school, and then a few business classes? Because law school is three years, and business school is, what, two, also? That’s five years, unless he got a simultaneous MBA/JD, which is possible. I know it takes four years of medical school before you even start your residency. So, how old is Will? I guess it works out mathematically. I’m just saying that I don’t think Will could possibly have all three degrees. Also, dude, focus. Everyone in the house is all amazed by his giant brain. Shannon finally gets her turn. She says she’s an “independent contractor,” doing everything from modeling to real estate. She admits that she doesn’t want to go to an office every day. Sing it, sister. In an interview, Nicole says she doesn’t like Shannon. In her interview, Shannon says she doesn’t like Nicole. Cat fight! Nicole makes some noise about how they should all get naked now and just get it over with, and everyone laughs, but no one takes off a stitch. Then they all give themselves a round of applause.
ChenTime! It’s the first challenge of Big Brother 2. The winners get a week’s worth of fresh groceries. The losers eat PB and J for a week. The way Chen explains the challenge makes it sound like some people could be eating chicken piccata and ice cream cones, while other people eat peanut butter sandwiches, but that is not the case. The houseguests have to work together to get the food, and if they succeed, everyone gets to enjoy it. It’s also the easiest challenge ever. After the houseguests kiss Julie’s ass for a bit (“Julie’s hot,” one of the men says when she makes her appearance), she sends them into the back yard, where a “brand new 2001 Buick Rendezvous” is parked on the basketball court. The Rendezvous is so the Pontiac Aztek of summer 2001, except it’s not as ugly. The houseguests have to load several bags of groceries into the car, and then they all have to climb in. And they have to sit, packed in there with the all doors shut, for an entire minute. One stinking minute. This is cake. And it takes the houseguests about two seconds to load the car and climb in. Shannon manages to land on Will’s lap and grins like the cat that ate the canary. Inside the car, everyone talks at the same time, and I have no idea who’s talking about what. Once the clock is up, Julie Chen tells them that whomever can stay in the car the longest gets to take it home. No bathroom breaks, no sleeping. In an interview, Autumn whines that she’s a single mother with no car. She really wants the Buick, she says. “We got mad groceries, man,” Justin murmurs, mostly to himself. Nicole tells everyone that they ought to make a pact that whoever walks away with the car is the first person voted out of the house. Her suggestion doesn’t go over really well (everyone sort of shoots her a dirty look), but people start piling out of the car anyway. Eventually, everyone but Kent, Autumn, and Sheryl trots inside and starts unpacking the groceries