Big Brother
Move-In Day

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B- | Grade It Now!
House of pain

Inside the house, Hardy tells Mike that “people might feel adversely about” the person who wins the car. Mike’s all “exactly,” but he’s thinking, “Huh?” In an interview, Autumn says that Sheryl is a compassionate person, and that Sheryl knew Autumn needed the car more than she did. Indeed, Sheryl does get out of the car. In an interview, she says that she knows Autumn needs the car, and that Kent’s wife demanded that he get her a car, so she decided to leave it to the two of them. She’s probably also sick of Autumn’s pity party.

After the groceries are all unpacked, some of the houseguests wander out to check on Kent and Autumn. Monica tries to offer Kent her waterbed in exchange for giving Autumn the car. No go. Justin maws on an apple, and establishes that Kent’s wife already has a car. But Kent will not budge. And, you know, Kent is an ass, but this is a game. It might have been good strategy for him to give Autumn the car so as to rack up some brownie points with the other houseguests, but if Autumn wants that car, she ought to just stick it out. So, Kent calls Justin “man,” like, fifty times, and then Justin walks over to Autumn and sticks his head in the window and tells her that Kent’s going to wait it out, and she needs to think about how much she really wants the car. Autumn and Kent sit there. Kent mentions the luxury tax Autumn would have to pay if she won the car. Then he tells her that they’re missing out on the party inside, and implies that people are already making alliances.

Inside, Hardy is taking off his shirt. Minutes later, Autumn gives up and runs, almost crying, out of the car. It’s been an hour and a half. An hour and a half. Ninety minutes. God, what a wuss. Here in Los Angeles, the local “alternative” radio station gave away a new Volkswagen Beetle to someone who managed to stay in the Bug with five other people for a full week. A week! Kent says if Autumn wanted the car that much, she shouldn’t have gotten out. Autumn cries to the camera that Kent isn’t very compassionate. Yeah, but why should Kent give her the car? He just met her. Dry your tears, Autumn, because these people don’t owe you shit.

Now that the drama of the car contest is over, the houseguests get into their jammies and sit outside and play spin the bottle/truth or dare. Kent stupidly sits the game out. Dude, have you never watched Survivor? The outsider always gets voted off first. Kent’s strategy is very poor, especially if the rest of the cast already thinks he’s a jerk for not giving crybaby Autumn the car. We learn nothing from the truth or dare game, sadly, other than the fact that Justin once slept with three women in one day. Not at the same time, though, he clarifies. Mike drops trou at one point, and slaps his own bare ass. That was exciting. Justin strips to his undies and jumps in the pool, He loves showing off his body. In an interview, Bunky whispers that spin-the-bottle is “scary” for him, and that he doesn’t enjoy being in the closet. In his own interview, Justin and his fang admit that he loves Bunky, but if Bunky hadn’t said that he was married, Justin would “have suspicions.” Bunky repeats that no one asked if he had a wife, or a marriage license. I’m not really sure why Bunky’s keeping his sexuality secret. Is he trying to smoke out all the homophobes?

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Big Brother




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