Autumn: Do you mind being affectionate with me?
Hardy: What do you mean, "affectionate"?
Autumn: Like, touching me. Does that bother you?
Hardy: [tersely] Not yet.
Autumn, meet Amaya. Amaya, meet Autumn. I think there are some things you need to discuss. Finally, Hardy makes Autumn go back to her own bed, and then says some stuff about Autumn needing to love herself, or she’ll never, ever learn to love anybody else, and I think he lifted his entire speech from a Madonna song.
Day two. People sort of wander around. The younger men -- and Bunky -- strip their shirts off and lift some weights and show off their abs. Monica and Sheryl and Autumn and Kent watch Hardy jump rope. Monica says that she loves her body, and then kisses each of her biceps. That totally cracked me up.
Later, Will, Justin, and Hardy hit the pool. I think the cameraman is in love with Hardy, because we get about twelve loving shots of his abs. Shannon strips down to her bikini and joins them. Her voice-over tells us that other women feel threatened by her, and she gets along better with guys. I hate girls who refuse to get along with other women, and then blame those women for it. I feel like they’ve bought into some kind of self-loathing “women are catty backstabbers” kind of rhetoric. Trust me, I have a lot of male friends, but I have a ton of girlfriends, too, and I think Shannon might be pleasantly surprised if she ever stopped thinking that all the other girls are jealous of her fake boobies. Oops, did I say that?
Tonight, Julie Chen tells us, one of the houseguests will sleep in the private, locked, head-of-household room. The HoH room comes complete with maid service, a completely stocked fridge, and, best of all, privacy. The HoH also gets to choose the two houseguests who are nominated for eviction. The houseguests compete to be HoH using something Julie Chen has dubbed The Big Brother Wheel Of First Impressions, or the BBWOFI. This is how it works: someone spins the BBWOFI, which eventually comes to rest at two attributes, like “bitchiest” or “smelliest.” The spinner then has to call up two housemates who most embody said attributes. Then the rest of the roommates vote for one of the two of them to be HoH. The person who loses this preliminary vote is out of the game. This keeps going until there are only two people left in the game. This game would be way more fun if I could tell what the BBWOFI landed on, ever, and who’s being called up as what, but the editing here is really bad. In an interview, Mike says that the game is designed to cause dissension in the group. Well, yeah. Because the more dissension, the better the reality show. Nicole thinks the competition is just wrong, probably because it only goes to prove that no one likes her. In her interview, Shannon says people already know they have labels, like “the body, the brain, the country sex-pot,” and this game plays into that. The country sex-pot. Heh. Is that Krista? From what I can glean from the screaming and squealing associated with this game, at one point, Autumn is deemed “the smelliest,” and pouts. Hardy is “the vainest,” but he says he “just likes to take care of [him]self.” Nicole gets called up there as “loudest,” and only gets one vote for HoH, which just about kills her. “It was really demeaning,” she sniffs in an interview. “Embarrassing” I could buy, but “demeaning”? It’s not like Will forced her to do his laundry. Bunky calls Kent up as “the bitchiest!” I heart Bunky. Finally, the contestants for HoH get whittled down to Mike and Sheryl. Julie Chen tells them to make a “final statement” about why the houseguests should vote for them, a la Survivor. Sheryl seems to be having a lot of fun. She tells everyone just to vote as they see fit. When it’s Mike’s turn, someone yells that he ought to “old-school rap!” And he does: