Big Brother

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
The Nicest Jerk Ever

Enzo is the first to vote, and he votes to evict Rachel, so that tells us all we need to know. Britney votes to evict "tequila vomit hundred-dollar bills Rachel," whatever that means. Kathy votes the same way, and so does Ragan, saying, "He got the witch part right." So Rachel's done. Just for shits and giggles, we get to see Lane and Hayden vote out Rachel, making it unanimous. But the unhappy couple will get to spend the commercial break together before she has to leave.

Julie breaks the news to the house, and Rachel gets up and walks to the door without a word or even a look to anyone but Brendon. She hugs and kisses him by the door and whispers something into his ear that we won't hear until Sunday, and out she goes into the studio.

Inside the house, Brendon warns everyone to be ready. Enzo also whispers something to Brendon that doesn't seem unfriendly. Just hedging his bets, probably.

Out in the studio, Rachel tells Julie she isn't shocked, because she knew everyone else was scared of her. Julie comments on Rachel's lack of comment during her exit, and Rachel says she had nothing else to say. If only that had been true earlier in the game. Julie asks Rachel why Brendon's plan didn't work, and she sticks to her story that they're scared of her, and has suddenly decided that she's shocked after all. What about her future with Brendon? Rachel giggles that she'll probably move to L.A, and they'll make it work. That sound was Candice no longer being on Team Rachel. If they're on The Amazing Race in the spring, I quit.

In the farewell messages, Matt tries to cut Rachel slack for being "sucked into the Brendon vortex," but then wrecks it by calling her bitchy and moody at times and saying "I don't know if that's a female thing." Charming. Enzo says he sometimes wished they were on the same team. I bet he did. But Enzo, you picked the teams, so live with it. Britney mocks Rachel and her hair extensions, braying, "Who wants to see me go into the Jury House, wooo!" and Rachel barely cracks a smile. Hayden tells her that if the showmance that got her kicked out of the house is real, it's going to be worth more than half a million dollars. I would have loved to see the goodbyes from everyone if Rachel wasn't going to be on the jury. Brendon tearfully vows to take out everyone who was mean to her. And Julie gives Rachel her muted sendoff, hinting that she may see the Big Brother house again. Oh, marvelous. I hope it's nothing more than a conjugal visit. Off-camera.

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Big Brother




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