Big Brother
Big Brother

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: D | 763 USERS: C+
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A Lying Liar Who Never Lies

When they go back inside, it's been turned into a store. They have 3:28 to shop. If you'll remember, shopping in the BB house means putting on as many articles of clothing as you can. Whatever you're wearing when time's up, you get to keep. They start in. Jordan has trouble because of her giant fake boobs. Kevin's willing to body check people, and he even breaks the mannequin to take his pants off. Horror music plays as Kevin massacres the mannequin and takes every article of its clothing, adding a "Give me the scarf, bitch," for good measure. He needs a cigarette after, and can die happy. The mannequin? Not so much.

Kevin approaches Michele in the HoH to see if she might want to pair up with him for final two, because he doesn't see himself winning against Natalie and he doesn't think Michele would either. She just awkwardly says she really wants to make it to the final three. Kevin: "Anything can happen." That scene told me nothing. What was the point? Meanwhile, Natalie's telling Jordan that Kevin and Michele are her targets and she doesn't care which one of them goes. Natalie hasn't lied to Jordan at all, and Jordan thinks that's the most important. Natalie says they only have a shot together. Whatever. Liar.

Natalie enters her HoH room and finds another Pandora's Box room. She reads the same card Kevin read when he was HoH about how it can release something good or bad upon her or upon the rest of the house. The card goes on that, for the first time in history, she'll have the chance to spend time with a loved one inside the house. She sees on the screen that her boyfriend, Jason, is the one waiting for her. She says she'll do anything she has to. She opens the next envelope, which says the privilege comes with a price: If she chooses to see Jason, she can't play in the final veto competition. Natalie tells us the situation, which is basically she's safe either way, so screw Kevin: She wants to see Jason. She goes in, and he tells her there's only five minutes. Then he proposes with a fake, twisty ring, telling her the real ring's at home. She keeps saying how cool this is, but her body language is not that of someone who's thrilled to be engaged.

Jason gives her another card that says she can have fifteen more minutes for a sushi dinner with him if she presses a button, but the rest of the house might be a little annoyed. She doesn't care, so she pushes the button. As Kevin and Michele sleep in the backyard, some guy dressed up as a baby comes out of the diary room. He's even wearing a diaper and bib. He cries and chases them around with his giant pacifier, saying "Mommy!" Kevin laughs about it in the diary room, saying he wanted to slap the baby. Meanwhile, Jason tells Natalie her dad misses her, and he asked her dad for her hand in marriage. She's all, "Really?" But doesn't seem to care. I hate this. I don't care about Natalie enough to want to see any of her loved ones. Why did she have to win this? I wanted to see Jordan with her Southern mama or Michele with her nerd husband or Kevin with his partner. Now a little person dressed as a cat is chasing them around. He's a copycat, and does everything they do. Jordan DRs that he was cute because he was little, so she wanted to squeeze him, but he was annoying.

Big Brother

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