Big Brother
Please Send This Boring Jerk Home

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Please Send This Boring Jerk Home

Previously: Dick was just so mad about the house booting Kail instead of Eric, and he started yelling at everybody like the unhinged neighbor he basically is. Seriously, Dick's that guy who lives next door, and the cops are always there, and you kind of hope it's just noise complaints, but eventually, you get so sick of the sirens that you just move, and then later, you learn that a friend of his got busted selling meth out of his apartment, and he swears he had no idea, and you kind of think maybe he didn't, because he is stupid enough not to notice someone selling meth out of his apartment and socially lame enough to let dudes come over when he's not even there just so he can have friends, and you kind of wonder if his friends also steal his money. Also, Jessica became HoH, and everybody in her alliance was very excited and showed it by throwing the biggest party since Thursday Night At Dick's House When Dick's Not There. Dick vowed to make everyone hate him, and fortunately, they were most of the way there anyway, so he was kind of carrying the coals of his own suck to the Newcastle of their existing disdain for him. Jessica nominated Dick and Daniele for booting, and Dick swore that he'd make life hell for everyone until he was out the door. Could the veto possibly keep us from getting rid of one of these genetically bound morons? And what of Eric, Subservient/Sweet Chicken? Is there any chance the America's Choice question will ask whom Eric should poke in the eye with a fork? Because my vote is all ready. I would happily give my ninety-nine cents for the cause.

Blue and white nomination ceremony. Jessica explains -- just the way she did in the previouslys -- that she nominated Dick and Daniele. They can compete for the veto, after all. Jessica adjourns the meeting, and in the DR, Dick swears that he will make everyone hate him. Daniele, for her part, complains about how "hard" it is for her in the house, which means she really needs a job in food service, because this is not hard. This is being on TV, and you don't have to make rent or huck your own groceries, so seriously, Daniele: button it. Jessica tells us that, all things considered, she'd rather see Daniele leave than Dick, because Dick has a lot of other targets he'd pick on before he'd pick on her. That's a girl with a plan -- or more of a plan than you'd think she had based on her voice and her eye makeup.

Eric joins Jessica and Jameka in the HoH room and talks about how happy he is that either father or daughter will be out of his irrationally pointy hair. Dick, meanwhile, tells Daniele that he feels like his every move has been wrong, and he tells her she needs to become a better liar. Hey, there's nothing like parental advice. Dick instructs Daniele not to believe anyone in the house other than maybe Zach, whom I'd recommend she trust only while he's in the bunny suit. Dick tells us that he's been giving Daniele a lot of advice to try to help her go farther in the game. He also hassles Daniele about taking her vitamins, even offering to smash them up in her food. He also tells us how much he likes being Daniele's dad, because that's what he thinks is his bulletproof argument. He's hiding behind being Daniele's dad, because he's glommed onto the cult of parenthood in the current culture that elevates parenthood to some kind of moral imperative and third rail, where going off on the "it was for my baaaaaby" excuses whatever bullshit angle you're currently working, whether it's treating other reality-show contestants like crap or letting your three-year-old run around a movie theater. Dick is a product of the same mentality that led the airlines to start giving a toddler-ish age limit for kids to preboard: oceans of dipshits claiming they need to get on first because of their helpless twelve-year-olds. Daniele is Dick's unjustified preboard.

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Big Brother

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