Big Brother
Quackstabbing

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M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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Dan If You Do, Dan If You Don't

There's going to be a tiebreaker question, which for once does not involve blackboards and trying to guess a number without going over. The last question is the day the first coach (Janelle) was evicted. Remember Dan's goal of keeping the coaches in the house as long as possible? And look how that worked out. Anyway, it was day 34. We don't get to see the balls roll into place at first, but after some appropriately suspenseful editing, we see that Ian's on day 32... but Shane is Day 30, so he has 4 penalty points to Ian's 2. Ian wins HoH again, and he's literally weeping with happiness at having gotten to the final four. In the DR, Danielle shows us her "Ian winning" face." Everyone knows Jenn's going to be nominated, including Jenn, but Dan, Danielle, (and probably Shane) are worried about who the Quack Pack pawn is going to be. In other words, they're worried it'll be themselves.

The first person to talk to the new HoH privately (although it's in the dining room) is Jenn, who congratulates him and says she's worried. Ian reminds her that there are "people" here who have nominated him. Speaking of whom, Ian goes to Dan and says that they might just have to "keep up appearances," meaning nominate Dan. Rather than agreeing, which he's never going to do, Dan says they just need to figure out how he could be voted out, and offers to think about it. But as he tells us in the DR, he's going to think of a "crazy plan" to stop that from happening. If it were anyone else saying that, I wouldn't believe it.

Later, Dan congratulates Ian in the HoH room, and Ian says he's gotten to where he can come back and coach. Like that's ever going to happen again. Dan is worried about the risk of seeing himself nominated this week, and suggests Ian nominate Jenn and Shane instead. Ian just isn't sure how he's going to sell that to the other houseguests, plus there's the chance that Dan could get nominated anyway. Dan plays the Renegades card: "Death Before Dishonor." Ian has no defense against the Renegades card, as Dan well knows.

Pandora's Box again. Ian gloats in the DR about being the first person to get two Pandora's Boxes. The temptation on the screen is a picture of his parents, with the words, "A message form someone who loves you." The second card reminds that there's a consequence for every temptation. Ian can't pass this up, because nobody ever passes up Pandora's Box, and even if Ian were inclined to quit while he's ahead, he's not about to blow off his parents on national television. Inside, he finds it set up like a little living room with a TV inside, and that same freeze-frame of his parents. Ian settles in for his message from home, and is ambushed instead by a video from none other than goddamn Rachel from BB12 and BB13 and TAR20, of all people, purposely being as obnoxious as possible and telling Ian how much she loves him. And she's there to give him advice on how to win! Which consists of thinking of Brendon! I assume there is nothing in this room Ian can use to deafen, blind, or kill himself.

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Big Brother

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