George has James and Erika on the block, and he wants James to go home. But when James wins veto, the scrambling begins. Mike strains to get Janelle nominated, while Will offers to go up himself. Since he forgets to tell Mike, Mike winds up strong-arming George with vague allusions to the mysterious power that he may or may not now hold. Since George has decided that Janelle's ability to win competitions somehow makes it unfair to nominate her, he sees no choice but to nominate Howie. Howie is shocked -- shocked! -- to find that people in this game sometimes tell lies, so when he's unexpectedly booted, he tries to get Mike into a fist fight. Mike stays out of it, but he makes just as big a boob out of himself as he would have if they'd started punching each other. Before the HoH competition, I have this weird dream that everyone gets hit in the face with pies by little people dressed as gnomes, and when I wake up, it turns out that's the HoH competition. It comes down to Janelle and Mike, and when she gets a big old pie in the face, it turns out that Mike is HoH.
So Mike is HoH, and he nominates Janelle and James, looking a little like he's not sure what he hopes will happen. Of course, by the time veto rolls around, Will has decided Janelle should stay and James should go home, so the competition is thrown to Janelle, after a slapfight in which she does indeed act overly aggressive, only to turn out to be overly aggressive about the wrong doll, rendering James's whining that he was cheated rather ineffectual and stupid, as the editors show you 400 times, as required by the Janelle-Pimping Agreements under which the entire show is operating. Janelle manages to get all bitchy about James whining, which is pretty amazing given that the show starts off with her endless weepfest after Howie's eviction, solved only by Will telling her that she's a princess, which makes it all better. Then she gets into an alliance with George, about whom she was spreading hateful bullshit about a week ago. ANYWAY. Janelle wins veto, and George goes up, and Will still doesn't believe nobody's figuring out what he's up to, but indeed, nobody is.
With James and George on the block, Will decides to make his move to get rid of James, and Danielle is way beyond unhappy. In fact, Danielle appears to be cracking up a bit as the days go on. Will and Mike are busy trying to figure out whether Janelle or Erika will be easier to manipulate, while George is just quietly hoping for the best. When it comes time for the eviction, James goes out 3-1, and he reacts with surprisingly decent sportsmanship, considering everything else that's happened. He's a little too insistent in the Chenterview that everybody else screwed him first, but he certainly handles everything better than Howie did. Speaking of Howie, he joins Marcellas at sequester house, and wackiness ensues. Erika takes home the HoH competition, and since she's presumably not going to have to hand this one over to Janelle, she seems set to make her nominations. Danielle is on the warpath against Will and Mike for booting James, and Erika seems to have developed that bond with Chicken George as well. So what will she do? Hard to say, but my money is on this being the beginning of the end of Will and Mike -- particularly Will, given that Mike is beginning to let fly a few comments suggesting that what he'd really like to do is be the one to send Will home. Nothing personal, of course. Just business.
What I love about Big Brother is Will. Will, Will, Will. And also: Will.
In case you've forgotten, George became HoH, and he nominated Erika and James. And we're losing somebody tonight. Doesn't it all feel like this happened one billion years ago? It's like this show happens in dinosaur time. Only life forms are becoming less and less sophisticated by the day. Soon, none of us will be able to grasp a pencil.
One other bit of business: I feel like every time I say we "lose" someone from the house, the word "lose" dies a little bit. Feelings of loss feel a feeling of loss, you know what I'm saying? I will try to think of something else.
Tonight, even though it's Sunday, Julie Chen welcomes us, wearing a silky print camisole and black pants. I'm not sure why I always feel obligated to document what Julie is wearing, but I kind of do. It used to be a sort of Crazy-O-Meter, but now, it's more like it just reminds me that she has no control over her environment. She didn't pick that top or the contestants, so I try not to blame her. I'm sure she's also disoriented by being on my TV on a Sunday. She's usually sitting at home watching the live feeds and eating an ice-cream sandwich right about now. (Don't you think she and Les eat ice-cream sandwiches? I totally do. Ice-cream sandwiches, Katie Couric on the news, and a big tankard of champagne. That's the life I'd be living, if I had the resources.)
Julie tells us that George is almost done being HoH, because of the double eviction. It's so sad that George waited so long to be HoH, and it lasted, like, five minutes. George barely had time to adjust to the ugliness of his room. Julie looks very concerned as she explains the way George had to make his nominations so fast, and then we revisit the eviction of Marcellas in blue and white. Marcellas! See what I mean about dinosaur time? Wasn't Marcellas evicted years ago, back when frogs had vestigial wings?
Janelle tells us that she had no idea Marcellas was leaving. "These people are...liars!" she says with surprise. "They say they're going to do one thing, and then they do the complete opposite!" She is speaking here of Will and Mike. Both of whom, you'll remember, lied the entire time they were on this show previously. One of whom frequently talks about how lying openly is the only strategy that works. And yet, Janelle looks like she had no idea this was going to happen, or even that it could happen. "I feel like a frickin' idiot," she says.