Big Brother
Same As It Ever Was

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M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now!
Same As It Ever Was

When the ads are over, the houseguests are all sitting on the big curved sofa, which wraps around a giant gift box containing a human being. They're about to find out who it is (I don't see any airholes, so it might be moot). Julie tells them to lift the lid, and James is officially back. Everyone seems really happy. So with that out of the way, it's time for the HoH competition.

There's an awkward moment while everyone waits for leave to exit the house and we sit there staring at tonight's HoH playing field for a good long time. It seems to involve disco balls sitting on a big black mattress. There's also a circular scaffold suspended over the platform, with eight chains hanging to foot level with a small metal disk at the bottom. Julie has everyone save outgoing HoH Ryan step onto a disk, which they do, hanging on to the chains with their hands for balance. Julie forbids sitting, kneeling, or crouching, at least for now. She says they're playing "Big Brother Disco," and the scaffold lifts everyone into the air with the disco balls dangling below them. In case it isn't apparent by now, the person who hangs on the longest will be the new HoH. The machinery slowly rotates and goes up and down, making am earsplitting squealing noise that would have me dropping out long before sore muscles did. Oh, and there's a random guinea pig shot in there again, which seems a little odd. Having that happen in one HoH competition seems like mere incompetence. Having it happen twice in a row strikes me as rank incompetence.

After the ads, Julie asks James how he feels to be back. "It feels great to be around all the people that voted me out," James says. Jeez, you didn't have to come back, you big whiner. After learning that the vote was 5-3, James's mood doesn't seem to improve much. And it's time to complicate the competition, as a cannon appears and starts squirting out champagne foam at everyone in orgasmic white spurts. Everyone hangs in sullen silence, with blobs of white goo spattered on them. Looks like we won't be finding out who wins HoH tonight, but I'm thinking that if getting spooged is the curveball that everyone has to deal with, James has a definite advantage.

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Big Brother




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