Big Brother
Sayonara, Chiara

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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You Reap, You Sow, You Weep, You Go

Danielle: "Five down, five to go." Danielle will not allow the inaccuracy of the math to interfere with the countdown. She does go on to point out that because of Amy's return, there are neither five down nor five to go. But it's a countdown -- what are you going to do? You have to keep counting down. That's what makes it a countdown -- the counting down. Next week, she'll probably say, "Six down, four to go. Not including one of the ones to go, and assuming an extra one is down."

Blue-and-white Amy returns to the house yet again. Marcellas says in the diary room that he's simply tickled pink that Amy has returned. He does allow that the braids are hideous. He doesn't say "hideous," but he couldn't be any more obviously thinking "hideous" if he were holding up a sign. You know, and the sign said "AMY, YOUR BRAIDS ARE HIDEOUS." Chiara says that she has "mixed emotions" about Amy's return, which is her way of saying she's thinking about whether cheese is a good medium for poison, because she thinks Amy might enjoy some arsenic-flavored Vermont cheddar right about now. Lisa tells us that while she enjoys having Amy back, she's feeling just a tad guilty about not voting for her own boyfriend. This is especially painful, of course, because when Amy returned, she told Lisa that Eric said "Hi." You'll recall that "Hi" is their special magic word of love. Good grief, Lisa, get a grip. This is going to make it really difficult if she ever breaks up with him. She'll go out on a date with a promising prospect, and he'll meet her at the door and say, "Hi!" And then she'll slam the door in his face and run into her bedroom, sobbing. Anyway, Lisa washes her face again, because washing her face is the only way Lisa can cope with the loss of her beloved. Also, I suppose she's worried that all the sex might have been the key to her clear complexion, so removing all traces of the oozings of her sebaceous glands is more important than ever. She explains her vote to bring Amy back much the way I think a lot of people interpreted it -- Eric would have hooked right back up with Roddy and Chiara in the snotting section, and Lisa had herself firmly across the aisle in non-snotting by then, so it would have been awkward. Also, she's still hurting about Kiki voting against her, and about Roddy's role in all of that, so she has no interest in picking up where the Couples Alliance left off.

Blue-and-white Amy wins HoH. She says in the diary room, "It feels good to win something because you deserve it, and because you've worked for it." I admit that we could fight all day about the just use of the word "deserve," but there's no way sitting in a tub counts as "work," not matter how many dead fish share the water with you. Ask any member of the proletariat. Amy, as usual, has all the realistic perspective of a cubist painting. In the diary room, Roddy explains his decision to bolt from the tub after about thirty seconds -- thus throwing HoH -- by saying that he "wasn't feeling it," because he'd been on the block and was nervous and tense. He also probably can't afford to risk that his hair will get wet and some will go down the drain, because there's a bit of an issue with the conservation of scarce resources, if you get my meaning. He fears that Amy -- given that he was the one who threw her to the wolves with that cheery "I think you have nice moments, but you're just too crappy to keep around" speech -- might take this opportunity for a little payback. Amy, meanwhile, explains that when she first became HoH, she really didn't know what she was going to do, except not nominate Marcellas. This is, of course, a lie -- Amy was never, ever, not going to nominate Chiara. She has had a piece of purple notebook paper taped up in her locker for weeks, and all it says is, "Nominate Chiara. I hate Chiara. I am prettier than Chiara. Everyone thinks so."

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Big Brother

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