Big Brother
Sayonara, Chiara

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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You Reap, You Sow, You Weep, You Go

The rest of the houseguests accompany Miss Amy into the HoH room to check out the loot. You will be surprised to hear that there are snacks. One of them is Cheez-Its, har har har. She also gets what I guess are her black satin sheets from home. Black satin sheets? Man, if she moves to cheaper wine, she's going to be all set to appear on an episode of Cops, swaying in the driveway while talking about how she only hit her husband with a broom because he went out to that strip club with his cousin again. Marcellas isn't thrilled to find a picture in which Amy is shown with the Confederate flag. She explains that she was in a fraternity house, which apparently makes it all okay. Hey, it can't have been the bigot-y kind of Confederate flag -- it was a fraternity house! Gotcha. Her CD is Sarah Brightman. Oh, good. Nothing like a fussy, high-maintenance Broadway diva screeching in your ear when things are tense. Amy reads a letter from home -- in which her father uses the expression "how proud your mother and I am" -- and tells her that he even forgives her for the drinking. ("Your mother and I am"?) As Amy basks in her HoH-ness, Chiara wears her sourest jilted-cheerleader face, with the folded arms and everything. All she needs is to be snapping her gum. In a pathetic attempt to place a fingertip Band-Aid on the gaping wound that is Amy's hatred of her, Chiara brings in a vase of flowers to which Amy can add her HoH rose. "I know that her and I didn't always get along," Kiki says. ("Her and I"?) And then a funny editor shows blue-and-white Kiki calling Amy "that fucking bitch." Heh. Kiki claims that she's going to treat Amy the same as always, and neither "play down to her" nor "play up to her." Right. Because far be it from her to suck up. Next, we see Chiara and Amy having a heart-to-heart, except for the "heart" part. And, actually, the other "heart" part. What, in fact, is Kiki doing? Oh, she's sucking up. These two are really wasting each other's time and ours, of course, because no one, anywhere, is fooling anyone. Kiki tells Amy in soothing tones that they all knew she was the one who should come back. Here, Chiara introduces her favorite word of the day when she says that had anyone other than Amy returned, that person would have been "revengeful." It is at this point in the conversation (emphasis on "con") that Lisa enters the Big Bed Room, returning from her towel-clad, weepy diary room session. She is clearly surprised and a little dismayed to see this yapping going on between Kiki and Amy, because she knows they're both flakier than a couple of croissants and could easily be up to almost anything, no matter how stupid. Amy opines in the DR that she thinks Chiara was not entirely sincere in being friendly to her. Gosh, Amy, do you think? Amy, find your forehead and give it a slap for me. I'll draw you a diagram.

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Big Brother

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