Big Brother
Scaredy Cat

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Scaredy Cat

After the break, it's time to see how Daniele and Amber did on Power of 10. The monitor in the living room shows a highlight package of their trip to New York. Each of them got to have someone in the audience that they knew as sort of an in-person life-line. Amber's was her cousin or something, but that's not important because Daniele's was Niiiiiick! In the living room, watching the TV, Daniele starts crying, which is exactly what her live-in boyfriend has been doing for two months now. Aw. We see Drew Carey made a joke about all the whack-ass things that have been going on while they've been sequestered, the only truthful one being that he's the new host of The Price Is Right. In the living room, Amber asks if that's really true, and Eric's like, "Naw!" We see Amber beat Daniele in their little face-off game, which means that forever and always, Daniele will have lost to Amber in a game of mental skill. Ouch. Even Dick DRs that that's pretty bad. Daniele cries some more, because noooooobody knows how haaaaard it is to be so cloooose to Niiiiiick and not get to taaaaalk to hiiiiim. I'm assuming. So Amber ended up winning a grand on the show, but not before playing up both her crying and her appalling vocab skills. After the fact, Daniele cries about Nick some more and says "I hate this house" like it's the house's fault that she's utterly lost her brain over this dude who's not her boyfriend.

Back to Eric's adventures in getting some. He knocks back about three capfuls of mouth-wash before heading up to bed and making awkward, awkward pillow talk with Jess, who continues to be boredly agreeable to his advances. It's the strangest thing -- nothing in her body language is telling him "no," but there's also zero indication that she's into this at all. It's, again, very "Well I suppose..." So finally, after striking out once and excusing himself for unspecified reasons (snerk), Eric kisses her. It does not look like it's an enjoyable experience for anyone. It's...clinical. Obligatory. And kind of resembles a mother bird feeding her babies.

Veto competition. Everybody gets picked but Dick, which exemplifies the universe I want to live in. Unfortunately, that means he gets to host. The competition is a riddle-solving game where you have to run around the yard and find hidden plastic rats with a riddle written on them that matches the word given by Giant Blaxploitation Cheshire Cat. Because -- did I mention? -- there's a giant animatronic Cheshire Cat in the yard dispensing instructions and talking like Isaac Hayes. It's a weird and random nod to the Alice in Wonderland d├ęcor considering very few competitions have bothered to follow the theme, but whatever. So the last person to find the correct rat and make it back to Giant Blaxplotation Cheshire Cat in each round gets eliminated. Jessica's out first, then Jameka, then Daniele. Which leaves the two nominees and Eric. The next round sees Amber take the first spot and Eric and Zach racing for the last spot. Eric gets there first and Zach's momentum carries him crashing into Eric's back. Amber, in the DR, says that was very "rude" of Zach, which is almost too ridiculous to dignify. They're not in line at the movies, dumbass. Anyway, so it's down to Amber versus Eric, and once again Amber has a celestial vision of her victory, since she clearly hasn't yet caught on that God doesn't want her to win anything. Indeed, Eric wins, and if you weren't prepared for him to make a big obnoxious production of his only victory in the game so far, you haven't been paying much attention. And good for you!

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Big Brother

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