On to Ian, a chemical engineering student at Tulane University in New Orleans. Ian...looks like the casting department at Big Brother thinks a chemical engineering student should look like, if you know what I mean. He thinks being smarter than everyone will give him an edge. Indeed, he's already wondering why he has an invitation but no key. Can't get much past this egghead, clearly.
The next one we meet is Wil from Louisville KY, who looks like a poor man's Fabio but talks like a poor man's RuPaul. How's Kentucky treating you, sunshine?
Heading to Staten Island, we encounter Jodi, a glamour puss who seems given to grand proclamations while gesturing like a Real Housewife of the Jersey Shore. She also boasts that she's Sicilian, which I'm making sure to record now because I'm sure she'll never mention it again.
Back down south, where short-mohawked Willie from Dayton, TX comes right out and admits, "My brother is Russell from Survivor." I don't watch Survivor, but even I've heard of Russell, who we see telling Willie at home to know when to make the big moves. "So I can't play like you?" Willie shoots back. If nothing else, he can follow a script.
Kara from Los Angeles is the first of the houseguests to flat-out admit that she's a model, as we see her hanging out by the pool in a bikini with what I assume are her colleagues. Her big goal appears to be finding love inside the Big Brother house. Because that always works out so well.
Back in the Midwest, Joe from Shererville, IN claims to have been a professional chef for 15 years, and then proceeds to ignite flames on his stove that should be scorching his ceiling. "I can even make slop taste like filet mignon," he claims. In which case he'll be invaluable... in which case he won't last five minutes.
Pierced, tattooed Jenn from Brooklyn tells us she was in the all-girl platinum-selling metal band Kitty (I do vaguely remember their one minor hit, though not its title). She says she's also Puerto Rican and a proud gay woman, and "you either love me for it, or you despise me for it." Don't worry, Jenn, I fully expect to despise you purely for your personality, like I have so very many houseguests before you.
Finally, we meet Ashley from Pittsburgh, PA, who wields a sprayer and says she's a spray-tan "technician." She says people assume she's ditzy, which may have something to do with the fact that she talks like she's high on cold medicine. She hopes to fill the house with love and great energy. Okay, high on cold medicine and formaldehyde-laced weed.