Big Brother
Season 14, Episode 1

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C | 5 USERS: A+
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Take Me Out, Coach

Dan also spots Willie's resemblance to Russell, but Willie wants to stay undercover. In fact, he lies and says he's never seen Russell before. Mike and Janelle are having the same conversation off in another room, and saying neither of them plans to pick him for their teams. Julie gets on the viewscreen to interrupt the mixer and explain the reason they don't have keys, as Ian wondered earlier: although there are twelve houseguests, there are only eleven keys -- which means one of them is leaving tonight. And which means one coach will start out short. Competition, coming right up. And already we can see why the "twist" hasn't been fully thought out. As usual.

After the ads, everyone's in the backyard, which is set up like a nursery for giant quadruplets. Each of the coaches is standing on a giant bed, and Julie says it's time to pick teams. With the order determined at random, Britney gets to go first, and she chooses Shane, who climbs up to join her on the big green bed. Mike, on the big pink bed, picks Frank for his hair and personality. Janelle, on the big blue bed, picks "Wil with one L," because he wants people who look like they're good schemers. Yeah, you can always tell that about people by looking at them. Speaking of which, it's Dan's turn to pick. He names Kara, which he DRs is for some other reason than wanting someone cute next to him on the big orange bed. They reverse the order for the next round, so Dan gets to pick again, and goes with Danielle. Janelle chooses Ashley. Willie's starting to feel a little passed over. Mike picks Ian, who tells him, "You're a legend, man." Don't encourage him, Ian. Britney picks Willie for her second choice, then JoJo for her third and final pick. Mike goes with Jenn, and that leaves Janelle to pick from Joe and Jodi, standing there like a couple of losers. Janelle goes with Joe, so Dan gets Jodi. "We're happy to have her," Dan says classily.

For the competition, Julie tells them to "get into your PJs," which they do in the time it takes to execute a screen-wipe edit. The first Head of Household competition is about to start. Julie is looped in post-production saying that the coaches won't be competing, and also that the houseguests will be playing this one as teams. The coach of the winning team will get to pick the HoH from his or her group, but the coach of the last-place team will have to cut one of their people loose tonight.

Finally, Julie's ready to explain the actual competition. It's basically a relay race along each team's lane of giant mattresses to bring back one giant teddy bear at a time from a big pile at the end of each lane. If anyone falls, they have to go back to the last end they were at. The first team to transport three bears to the shelf and turn off a light wins. Julie adds that each coach can make a substitution at the twenty-minute mark. Is it really going to last that long? Well, yes, because Julie hasn't even started the count-off before the mattresses they'll have to run on start spinning and moving. Nothing for it but to get started, though.

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Big Brother

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