Big Brother
Season 14, Episode 1

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C | 4 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Take Me Out, Coach

Ian, Frank, and Danielle all fall on their first runs to the bear-bin and have to start over, but Shane doesn't fall until he's on his way back, and thus gets the first bear for Britney's team. Wil delivers one to Janelle, and Frank gets one across to Mike while Danielle is still struggling to finish a round for Dan's team. Jodi takes over for Danielle, figuring her long limbs will be an advantage, but she looks like she's playing a backyard version of Wipeout. Clumsy diving and leaping continues all around, and Willie gets Britney's second bear before Kara gets the first bear for Dan's team. Ian gets Mike's second bear, and JoJo is outmatched trying to bring back Britney's third bear. Janelle's team closes the gap, and we leave it in what Julie says is a three-way tie.

We come back with Ashley, Jenn, and JoJo struggling to get their respective teams' third bears back across the course. Danielle is just trying to get her team out of last place. Britney and her green team give JoJo the intensive coaching she needs to return with a bear, which she finally does, and than all that needs to happen is for Shane to get back across and hit the buzzer, which he does. So Britney will be picking the first HoH from her team, and she's almost as happy about it as they are. Julie reminds them that it's still a race to not to come in last. A horn goes off, which means twenty minutes are up and they can do a substitution. Mike swaps Jenn for Frank, who quickly retrieves the pink team's third bear. Wil gets the third bear back to Janelle's team and races back to hit the buzzer, so her team finishes in second. Frank hits Mike's buzzer, putting that team in third, so Dan's all-girl team is last. He encourages them anyway, telling them it'll be all right. Which is will be, for two of them, and I have a feeling it'll be the cute white ones.

As for Britney, she names Willie as the first HoH, so that's quite the reversal for him. She explains in the DR that he needs the week to make some deals and establish himself, which makes sense; of course Russell's brother is going to be a target, whether he admits to the relationship or not. As for Dan, Julie says she'll give him some time to make his decision. A commercial break's worth of time, to be precise.

The inside of the house looks rather silly with everyone in their pastel PJs milling about. Dan says Kara's safe, so he has to decide between Jodi and Danielle. He says it's not just about the competition that just went down, but the whole game. In a one-on-one with Jodi, she throws Danielle under the proverbial bus for getting defeated during the competition, and Danielle tells Dan that she thinks Jodi might "cause drama." Not that that's racist or anything, with absolutely nothing to go on other than first impressions and the unspoken assumption that black women cause drama. Julie gathers everyone in the living room and orders Dan to name the first evictee of the season: it's Jodi, unsurprisingly. She lasted even less time than I expected. Back to the five stepkids, lady. And I think we officially have the whitest fifteen people in the house ever. Ian DRs that he's never seen anything that cruel on this show, which is surprising not because it's true (I'm not convinced it is), but because it got shown on the air. Willie triumphantly says he's not worried any more: "It's all about me." Clearly Willie's strength, whatever it is, it not in taking the long view.

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Big Brother

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