Julie Chen is wearing what looks like a satin straightjacket gone wrong, which seems about right considering that the Big Brother house has a lot in common with an insane asylum. She's hyping the MVP twist, showmances and the three nominees on the chopping block tonight. The Chenbot doesn't at all mention the bigoted and racial remarks that Aaryn and GinaMarie have been making that has caused them both to get fired from their day jobs, so I guess we're just going to be ignoring that. Great. Let's get a move on with the stupidity the editors want to show us instead.
We flashback to Sunday's episode, where McCrae stupidly took Candice off the block and put up Elissa instead because "the house told him to" -- when we clearly saw that his own alliance was telling him to keep the nominations as is. So who exactly he means when he uses the term "house" is a mystery. McCrae says he's hoping that Nick will be able to secure enough votes to get David out, which wouldn't have been an issue had he just left Candice on the block. David says he's thrilled that Elissa is sitting next to him on the couch and he thinks that she's a goner for sure and he's going to be able to keep living rent-free for another week. Nick DR's that McCrae is an idiot. Elissa is pissed, but handling it better than I'd expected. She says she's got to be more open with the houseguests in order to have a fighting chance.
Next thing we see, she's up in the HOH room telling Amanda, McCrae and Andy that she's Rachel's sister and that she won MVP. Andy is excited and hopes this means they can work together. Elissa is thrilled that she's got Rachel's fans on her sides, and Amanda looks like she hadn't considered this as an option. Amanda may not be as smart as I was giving her credit for. Amanda also thinks that Elissa's confession makes her more human. Sorta.
Out to the couch where we see Jeremy (who my mom says looks like Ashton Kutcher and now I can't unsee that) complaining that he wants to go in the pool, but is too lazy. Kaitlin says she can't help him and then he rips open his button down shirt. Then later she wants to play hacky sack, but doesn't want to get out of the hammock. Then they "nap" together in his bed. She apologizes to her dad in her DR for the makeout sessions. Then she does that thing where she kicks his abs as hard as she can and then hurts her foot in the process. I cannot even imagine being stuck in this house.
Elissa, Judd and Helen are commiserating about being have-nots. They are excited that they only have a few more hours of suffering before "Party Darty" returns. Everyone carefully announces that they are waiting until midnight to celebrate the end of have-not week. Was it really a week or more like 4 days? Of course, selfish Aaryn can't wait an hour to get her drink on, so she gets Jeremy to go get the only bottle of red wine and he pours her a giant tumbler full, as well as one for himself. Kaitlin and David are there as well, but we don't see them drinking. Cue celebrating in the kitchen by the have-nots and the have-not friends... and then horror when they realize that they are stuck drinking soda because there's no more wine. Is there really only one bottle of wine? I'd have thought that the BB producers would provide copious amounts of alcohol in order to keep them more interesting. They all realize that Jeremy is the one that took it, and Aaryn giggles to her pals that she drank it. She walks through the kitchen and people stare at her, but don't actually accuse of her. Helen -- who looks like she really needs a drink -- is highly angry in her DR, but she's just stuffing her face and stewing in the kitchen.