Big Brother
Settling In

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Eat, Drink, and Be Scary

Later, Josh starts playing around with a rubber duckie, throwing it around with a slingshot. When Marcellas discovers that the duck has been violated, he carefully cleans it with a toothbrush while talking to it in a soothing voice. Yep. Really happened. Meanwhile, Tonya tells Danielle that Marcellas talked about going out on the beach in a thong, which makes Danielle say, "He's gay, right?" "I would think," Tonya agrees. They chat about this for quite a while, and as much as I admire them for not wanting to assume anything based on stereotypes, this is one of a very few times in my life that I have badly wanted to employ the expression, "Girlfriend, please." In the diary room, Marcellas talks about how anxious he's been about the housemates finding out that he's gay. Outside, Tonya and Danielle are still talking about it. Marcellas in turn says that he thinks people know, but that nobody's asked him. Honestly, why would they? They've known him three days. It's kind of not especially relevant. Tonya unwittingly says a little bit about herself when she chucklingly comments that "if he's not [gay], we're really sorry." Marcellas doesn't really want to do some big announcement (he could write "I'M GAY" on a cake and serve it for dessert), but he also feels nervous all the time about when it's going to come up. I can't claim expertise, but I would think this would be where you would fairly casually tell one person, and then count on it to spread to everybody else within about six minutes. "All I can do is wear my cashmere sweater and clutch my pearls and hope for the best," he says. Hee!

Amy and Lisa exchange boring small talk, and then they get on with what they really enjoy, which is hanging out in their bathing suits. Endless bod-miration footage follows. The girls basically all have admirable bods, and all the guys have admirable bods except Josh and Gerry. Everyone is particularly impressed with Tonya's form (or forms, I guess), in light of the fact that she has five (one-two-three-four-FIVE) kids. Lisa has decided to continue down the Road to Shannonville by sporting a thong. UNNECESSARY. Man, like we don't already see enough of these people. I do not need to see actual ass cheeks in order to complete the picture.

More hanging out. (But not like Lisa is hanging out of the thong.) In one of my favorite moments of the entire episode, Eric is waiting by the shower stall as Chiara emerges from the bathroom. As she does, he yells, "BOO!" and she jumps and squeals. Aw, that is one of my favorite flirts. Some dances, you can do over and over again and they never get old, even though they're kind of stupid. Eric and Chiara continue horsing around, and Gerry teasingly tells them to take it outside. This introduces the Gerry Is Everyone's Big Daddy sequence, in which he explains how much he misses his kids and how much he's enjoying being a father figure for the house. That's kind of nice, I suppose. But he still looks like Frank, so I keep fearing that while they all are asleep, he'll paint a big smiling frog on the wall.

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Big Brother

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