Big Brother
Settling In

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Eat, Drink, and Be Scary

And now, Marcellas's Lament. He explains in the diary room that he is "tormented." What is he tormented about? "Tonya's bad hair color...the lizards...how shiny [he is] because of this L.A. humidity...." He goes on to say that he wants to get rid of Tonya and Lori. In Tonya's case, this is because he's tired of hearing about her kids and her divorce, but he's not hot on her look, either. "I'm hating her outfits, I'm hating those huge phony breasts, and the bad teeth-bleaching..." He has problems with Lori's look, too. "Lori in that denim romper," he despairs. "[It] was bad enough, and then she put that pink, fuzzy tank top under it, and I was like...[beat] 'wow.' Those were courageous choices, but bad ones." He doesn't like her snakeskin bikini, either. Now, the hating of Josh: "It doesn't surprise me that Josh is also a Scorpio, because Josh is making me crazy. I am a Scorpio, too, and we are crazy jockeys for attention." HEY! Shut up. All right, hate me if you will, but I giggled myself silly at that entire sequence. It's about time we had a houseguest with the wisdom to be horrified by the way these people dress. ["I'm saying. Marcellas is a delight." -- Wing Chun]

Josh hates Marcellas right back, but that's not nearly as interesting. He manages to be vaguely offensive in his characterizations without being amusing in the slightest. Get off my TV, you little ratweasel.

Now, Josh is maneuvering with regard to the nominations. He is no longer willing to be nominated alongside Marcellas, because he isn't confident that his alliance will hold together. Yeah, no shit. So he's going from person to person, acting paranoid about what Lisa is going to do. Josh's inability to relax and feign unconcern is only one of the many reasons you can tell that his copy of Evil Doctor Will's Guide To Winning The Whole Shebang has many, many coffee stains on it that obscure key portions of the text. He attempts to talk to Lisa directly about how he thought they had some kind of magical bond during the nest competition, and now he's concerned that she isn't his sweet patootie anymore. Or something like that. You know, Josh, lose the bandanna already. Carolina blue is not your color. Or anyone's color. Lisa is very annoyed by his attempts to operate on her. He bugs Amy. He bugs Chiara. Everyone is sick of the paranoia. Lori tells Lisa and Chiara that she wants him out.

The America's Boyfriend Olympics continue as Jason vies for the gold, accompanied by the Happy Merry Music of Cute, Nice Boys. In the hammock with him, Chiara says she'll give him the money if she wins, if he'll just come home with her. My sentiments exactly. Or, nearly exactly. I wouldn't give him the money, but I would certainly make room. Basically, the women love him. He's sensitive, and he cleans the bathroom, and being as hot as a well-prepared wok isn't hurting anything, either. Chiara tells him a story that relates to a friend of hers losing her virginity, and she gleans from his reaction that he may be a virgin himself. She becomes fixated on this point, to say the least. He diary-rooms that he thinks it will "single him out" if everyone knows he's a virgin, so he's trying to keep it a secret. Oh, whatever. What singles you out is your very sad soul patch, which is your one aesthetic flaw. Shave, boy, and we'll be so very good to go. At any rate, Chiara makes a few more attempts to discuss it with him, and although he doesn't (at this point) say it out loud, she basically gets the idea. The notion of his being a virgin completely turns her on, so now she's giving him the heavy-duty foot rub. As it turns out, Jason's primary concern about Chiara being in on his big secret is that she might tell Lisa. And...what? Lisa is going to have him sacrificed to a volcano god? I personally think they're all making far too much of this.

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Big Brother

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