Big Brother
Settling In

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Eat, Drink, and Be Scary

Introductions all around. Lisa calls herself "crazy" twice, and that's really all I need in order to eye her suspiciously. She also talks through her teeth a lot, especially when she's thinking about how hot she's pretty sure she is. Jason's good-natured self-deprecation about being from Mobile brings the painfully predictable (and very unfunny) incest jokes from Josh. Fuckwit. Amy thinks Jason is cute. And, frankly, so do I. Tonya spills that she has five kids, which causes some dropped jaws. Lisa thinks it's "very sad" that Tonya's breasts are paid-for. Lisa believes in the natural look, I suppose, except for her gigantic tattoo. In other news, Amy pours on the drawl, and Danielle, speaking for all of us, says in the diary room that Amy "gets on [her] last nerve." Sing it, sister. Gerry tells the group he's a teacher, and we see an interview clip in which Josh reveals that he made up the part about being a long-term substitute teacher, and Gerry bought it. Uh, don't you think Gerry will talk to you about teaching sometime in the next three months? Don't you think he'll figure out you're faking? What will that do to your alliance? Not too crafty, nimrod. Gerry does manage to get off a pretty good line about how he taught Special Ed for ten years, so he might be able to help Josh a little. Heh.

Eric explains that he's a firefighter. It's interesting, isn't it, how that gets almost a moment of silence now? How we almost bow our heads, just a little, for just a split second? Everyone I know does it. I do it, too. I may always. Of course, this isn't about that, so Chiara notes that Eric is kinda hot, which is true, especially when compared with Josh. Unfortunately, Eric says "rock on" at the end of his speech, and I think the expiration date on "rock on" has just about passed. Lori is from Wisconsin, and she does customer service at a bank. Hey, is that her voice on the phone that tells me, "The balance on your account is...five...dollars...and...fifty-one...cents"? If it is, I'd like to talk to her about some adjustments. Amy explains that she doesn't like Lori's "northern accent" (Lori's really isn't that bad, by the way). And then Amy says (no kidding) the following: "I've always been kind of anti- that whole north, Midwest, or upper west, whatever, accent thing." I take my Amy voodoo doll and stuff lutefisk up its nose. Bite me, Sweetheart of Sigma Die, Die, Die. Lori says her kids are her life, and Eric does a pretty funny "We're your life now" bit, pointing menacingly at her. Hee. Chiara says that her name means "light."

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Big Brother

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