Big Brother
Settling In

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Eat, Drink, and Be Scary

At approximately the three-hour mark, Danielle dumps her bag over the side, effectively throwing the competition. She makes like it's about the meat, but as she explains in the diary room, she really just didn't want to be a target. What was most brilliant about the way Danielle played that is that she didn't make an epic production out of the decision and how selfless it was, which is what made it seem selfless. I am here to tell you, Danielle came to play. How long she'll last depends on how quickly the Goober Gang catches on that she's a threat, but she is a good, good player. Inside, Marcellas gripes good-naturedly about being forced to leave the tree, unwittingly providing fuel for Josh's "negative energy" fire.

So now it's Roddy and Tonya and Jason and Lori in the nests. Jason says he feels bad because of Danielle and the self-sacrifice. (See?) Tonya correctly surmises that it wasn't really a spoilage issue as much as a my-butt-has-had-enough-of-this-tree issue. Roddy gives Tonya a shoulder rub. Yeah, I'll take one of those too, please, if you're handing them out. Meanwhile, in the Big Bed Room, Josh tries to make buddy-buddies with Marcellas, which Marcellas -- to his credit -- doesn't fall for at all. Strike one, Greasy At The Bat. "He wanted to gauge me and size me up," Marcellas says, "and I was trying to give him as little information as possible, because I do want people to underestimate me, and to play me like I'm stupid."

As Tonya and Roddy readjust their positions in the nest, Roddy gets up off of his brand-new ass far enough that Big Brother calls it "standing," and gives them the buzz. So your winners are Jason and Lori, which is nice. It's like Greg and Mrs. Brady winning the first competition. Jason thinks staying in the tree made him seem like a "fierce competitor." Aww. He also recognizes, though, the risks of winning the first competition.

Gerry snots that Lori and Jason won't make it long enough to collect the $30,000. Gerry, I wanted to like you, but you are dancing all over my last nerve. And you need to get control of your beard.

Day Two in the house. Rise, shine, put on makeup, bond with housemates. Lori and Chiara discuss the origins of the mysterious wet spot in their bed. No, no -- on the pillow. (It's not that mysterious.) The options are sweat and drool. Eeeeew! Now, did I really need to hear that? There's a reason I don't get the damn live feeds. Tonya and her incredibly white teeth, however, have had an uncomfortable night on the army cot. Josh was so uncomfortable that he slept on the floor. Frankly, I'm surprised that he didn't sleep hanging upside-down from the rod in the closet.

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Big Brother

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