Big Brother
Sweet Chicken

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Sweet Chicken

Previously on Andy Rooney Is So Five Minutes Ago: Kail and Mike were on the block, courtesy of the Eponymous D.I.C.K., and Nick and Daniele were making out under the covers, or at least talking about making out under the covers, which is just as good as actually doing it, if you are a censor. Everybody seemed to be after Mike for being a threat, which was a big surprise to those of us who saw him as pretty much a block of cheese, but America sent Subservient Eric to try to get Kail out of the house. He did his best, but there was nothing doing, and Mike went home 7-2. In being totally ineffectual at getting his way, Eric thus represented some of us very well. Dick tried to figure out who cast the votes against "him" (meaning against his wishes, for Kail to go), and he quite wrongly accused Jen. Then Dustin became the new HoH, and we all got another shot at living vicariously through Eric, which I bet you never thought you'd be doing after you saw that he resembled everyone's little brother, ever, even after said little brothers are in their thirties.

That eye in the credits should be getting residuals.

We blue-and-white back to the vote that ousted Mike The Threatening Nonentity, and then Kail tells us that "prayer does work." It's good that she found the right moment for spiritual enlightenment. In particular, she seems to think specifically that Dick was pounded by God, since he (Dick, not God) originally wanted Jen or Kail to be out. (God: "Seriously, even if I had nothing else to do and were spending My day sorting My CD collection, I certainly would not care about this, as even I have My limits.") Zach tells the camera that he was the other vote against Kail, which everyone seems to know, and Dick tells us that he's just as happy having part of Kail's alliance out as having Kail out.

As everyone hugs, Dick throws some particularly ugly shit at Kail, telling her how she shouldn't think her reprieve means she has friends. Now, I don't like Kail, but that kind of weird cruelty always strikes me as vaguely sociopathic, because people who need to say "you have no friends" to other people are not typically the ones having the biggest birthday parties themselves, if you know what I mean. Dick then attacks Jen for a while about how he's so smart that he knows she voted against Kail. On the one hand, it's unsettling because he's being such a bastard, but on the other hand, it's as satisfying as it always is when an idiot parades around lecturing us about how smart he is. (As long as he's not part of the executive branch, because then, we're back to "unsettling.") Elsewhere, everyone else is curious about the missing vote, too (they know about Zach from Nick, so it's Eric they don't know about). The more Nick questions who the other person is, the more Amber starts to think that the second vote was Nick himself. Before long, Amber is totally convinced it was Nick, and they're all whispering to Eric about the big mystery and not realizing that he's the one they're looking for. "If it wasn't Jen, it was Nick," Dustin declares. Jameka tells Daniele, when Daniele doubts that it was Nick, that her heart is telling her that it was, and that Daniele just can't see it because she has this "relationship" with Nick. Of course, Daniele protests, because she just thinks it is so upsetting when people think she's close to Nick, when all she does is talk under the covers about how much she wants to kiss him.

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Big Brother

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