Dick gives a big lecture about how people with dogs shouldn't call their dogs "baby," which he is doing as a roundabout way of explaining how his life is naturally richer and more meaningful than yours because he has kids and you don't -- a phenomenon with which all people without children are familiar. He looks to Amber for support, like, "You're a mom; you feel me, right?" But Amber protests, saying she loves both her dog and her daughter, and in fact, she says that she considers them both to be her kids. I admit, Dick was being a dick here, but Amber's explanation of equating her child and her dog sounds a bit weird to me. "I love my dog just as much as I love my daughter" is...I mean, you can't really quantify, you know? Loving a pet is loving a pet and loving a child is loving a child, but I will freely admit that if you told me you would not know what to do if the building were burning and you could save only the child or the dog, I would wonder about you. I don't think this is what Amber is saying at all -- I think she resents being used as part of Dick's lecture, and I think she's just one of those people who loves her pet and really resents the "it's just a dog" attitude that Dick is espousing. Dick tries to make it into whom you would die for, but Amber counters that by saying that she would die for her dog in addition to her daughter. I think he backed her into a pretty idiotic position there, because I don't think she started out to make it like this, like she would die for her dog. I mean, maybe she would, and I'm not saying that would be wrong, but I think he just bullied her to a point where she didn't feel like she could give an inch. Dick seems to think this is all going to make him look cool, but it's actually making him look like an obnoxious bully, especially when he basically tells her that if she doesn't like it, the answer is to bully him back. But Amber claims she's "over it." (Clearly.) Dustin tries to tell Amber that Dick is just pushing her buttons, and she says "it's because he tries," which is...exactly Dustin's point.
After commercials, we come back to a very brief segment on what Dick calls "the Dick At Night Show," wherein Dick apparently walks around playing pranks on people after everyone is in bed. In fact, in the morning, Daniele sprays herself with the faucet because he's rigged it, and she doesn't think it's all that hilarious. No, really. That's the entire segment. I don't know either.
We then watch as Zach talks about going to a comic book convention where there were naked girls covered with eggs, and...I think I might have been hit with a tranquilizer dart and hallucinated this part. I seem to experience Zach offering this big explanation of watching guys beat women with flaming whips, and...the point of this, it turns out, is that nobody likes Zach. Which is dumb, but better than if there were going to be a story point based on the actual content of the story he was telling, which seemed impossible. Dustin compares Zach to Eeyore in a pretty funny moment, sound-effects-wise. Dustin does tell us that getting away from Zach is fairly difficult. We watch, for instance, as he gradually drives everyone out of the teacup except Daniele, who comes right out and tells him she doesn't want him to visit her after the show. She tells us that she'd rather eat slop for a month than talk to him for an hour. So, wait. She likes Zach, or she doesn't like Zach?