Big Brother
Big Brother

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 677 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Shut The Elf Up

Brendon grinds out some meaningless bizarre platitudes -- "You are my heart!" -- and attempts to crawl inside Rachel's clown bra with her, so that two broken gross people can become one whole, sane person. That's how they think it works.

LIVE WITH JULIE

Julie: "Adam, humiliate yourself on television."
Adam: "Done!"
Julie: "Thanks, Adam."
Adam: "You want more? I am capable of being so much more flesh-crawling than that."
Julie: "I do not, Adam."

Julie: "Rachel, seriously. How fucking dumb is your fiancé?"
Rachel: "I feel special and amazing. This is a love story. A once-in-a-lifetime love story, about two warriors and also Excalibur."
Julie: "Well said, Rachel."

Julie: "Jeff, time for you to act like Rachel."
Jeff: "I don't like Jordan enough to act that stupid, but yeah. She's carried me through two seasons of this show, so it could get weird if she leaves."

THE DICK PART

The dumbest people on the show talk about how Dick would play the game completely differently from Daniele, and then Dick explains to us from deep inside his insecurity and erectile dysfunction that his daughter is the stupidest person that ever lived and that attempting to crawl out from under his shadow will be her downfall, because there is no crawling: He simply casts too long a shadow.

We recall the least of his offenses from the past -- mostly various clips of him helpfully explaining that he is the smartest and the best person who has ever played the game -- and he takes credit for her actions in the game and simultaneously for being smarter than her. Then he calls her a whore a few times, and talks a lot about how smart and amazing he is and how good he is at this game, and the whole time he looks like a withered scrotum full of tumors. It is absolutely embarrassing.

Dick: "Look at Brendon and Rachel. They're bullies that isolate female victims at random and lead scapegoating witch hunts against them. That's gameplay, that's what I'm talking about. But my daughter is too fucking stupid to understand that, because she doesn't have what it takes to play the I'm An Asshole Strategy. Because it isn't a strategy, it's a way of life, and the only place it can help you in this entire universe is in that house. I am wearing a diaper."

HOH CHENTERVIEW

Julie: "Turned on the Vets, huh?"
HoH Daniele: "Yeah, it was a little early for that. I was just bored from having the Golden Key, and then Dominic ruined everything and paid for it."
Julie: "What about the stinking sack of pubes that spawned you?"
Daniele: "Julie, do you honestly think there's ever been anything I've done that he approved of? He hates everyone. He hates everything."
Julie: "True enough. Are you worried that Rachel is going to murder you? That bitch is dangerously crazy, you know."
Daniele: "I have no doubts, Julie."

Big Brother

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP