Tuesday

You know, what I love about Big Brother (that's how I've decided all recaps must begin, the better to maintain my cheery disposition) is that it's on so often and they have so much time to fill that by the time they're finished telling you what's going to happen, showing it, showing you that it happened, and then showing you that it happened some more, you have it imprinted on your brain as if you are a small duck and it's the remote-control car you have chosen as your mama. Thus, it and you can never be separated. That is what I love about Big Brother. This week, we revisit the great moment when "the best of the best," such as Howie and Chicken George, were invited into the All-Star [sic-sic] house to tangle with each other. Jase and Janelle became the two HoHs, and everyone envied their monogrammed robes of many colors and plotted to sell them and tell the producers they were eaten by a wild animal.

It strikes me that the show's producers made a very interesting decision in choosing opening shots of all these people in which they're happily smiling. I envision some intern who misbehaved last week being assigned to scour the footage for a picture of Mike smiling non-creepily. And I envision her being up very late.

Rehash-O-Vision reminds us that Alison and Danielle were nominated at the end of the last show. I am reminded of the way that they make contestants on this show say the most dumb-ass things, like "that concludes the first nomination ceremony." I'm really surprised that they don't make someone snuff out a candle.

We snap to color as Alison DRs over a hug between herself and Janelle: "I will inflict pure misery on Janelle in this house." So you see, it's irony. They're hugging, but Alison doesn't mean it. Unlike Janelle, who is getting the Shirley Temple edit and will never be shown doing anything other than grinning adorably. Her hugs are real, but she is not. Alison is sporting a sort of Emma Peel look in her DR session, including a sleek, zipped-up sweater and surprisingly sophisticated, upswept hair. Marcellas is a stylist -- I'm thinking her diversion into this look is why he will later hesitate to evict her. She's the only person that I can honestly say I've ever seen looking jarringly elegant. Back at the end of the ceremony, James instructs Danielle that she has to hug people now. She's like, "Whatever," and she hugs him. Heh. I enjoy seeing people admit that the hugging taking place at a moment like this is just You're Supposed To hugging, as opposed to actual hugging, where there are feelings. Hugging with feelings is how you get yourself in trouble. (And how!) Danielle informs us that she was never nominated during her season. If I were Danielle, I would find this kind of embarrassing, in that she managed to avoid nomination every single week, but managed to still make everyone hate her so much that she got like one vote for the win. I'm not sure being the poster girl for "they didn't nominate me, but man, they hated me" is as much a badge of honor as Danielle does. But she's still driving it home, tightly muttering to everyone, "Always a first for everyone." Don't live in the past, Danielle.