Big Brother

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A+ | Grade It Now!
Matching Meltdowns

Kevin gets eliminated in the next round and gets $5,000, which he says he'll keep. Dude's already won ten grand this season. Now it's down to Jordan and Jeff. After Jordan goes, Lydia, still pounding mimosas, shit-talks Jeff from the loser's table, saying she'd rather see Jordan win. They ignore her and confer quietly, and Jordan says she wants to hear from her family. Jeff steps up and deliberately fucks up the shot. Jeff gets a spa weekend, which he swaps for Russell's Hawaii trip. Russell not only isn't annoyed at losing his parents' trip, he gushes over Jeff's class move in the DR. Someone's got a man-crush. What's even more amazing is that Jordan has won the competition. The last prize, which she gets to open and trade for anything else, that's been previously won, is, unsurprisingly, the unitard, although it's apparently been converted to a superhero costume. She of course swaps it for Lydia's HoH key. Lydia really needs to stop with the mimosas, because she turns on Jordan and tells her, "Be a puppet. Dumb hos get cut at the end." Way to suck up to the new HoH, crazy lady. She drains a final mimosa and stomps off, yelling at everyone from across the yard. She's trying to act hardcore, but she's not really pulling it off in those pants.

Later, inside, Michele quietly congratulates Jordan on her victory, and when Lydia passes by, hollers out, "Wear your unitard, bitch!" So clearly the high road is closed to through traffic in the Big Brother house. Lydia maturely runs into the kitchen and starts throwing beer and food out. She's on a rampage, yelling at them to send her home, but Jeff says she's not going anywhere. Just to be contrary, I guess. At first, he's the only one who engages with her, and she says she's going to keep yelling so they evict her. Jordan, Michele, and Russell also join the group in the red room as Lydia continues her wobbler, actually standing on her bed and challenging Michele to... well, I'm not really sure what, honestly. Russell asks why Lydia's slurring her words. "I'm nahssulring my words!" Lydia slurs. The Gang of Four laughs, and Lydia demands to have a one-on-one conversation with Jeff in the DR, as though that's going to resolve anything. Jeff wants no part of that, if only because being trapped in that small a space with that many alcohol fumes would probably bleach his flavor-saver blond. Lydia stomps off to the DR hallway, but before she slams the door, she screams that Ronnie was right about Michele, and deserves to be there more than Michele and Russell do. That leaves the rest of them in the red room, with the Gang of Four telling Natalie and Kevin that maybe they need to try to control their teammates a little better. Yeah, they're 0 for 2 this episode, aren't they? Lydia, meanwhile, is having a meltdown in the DR by herself, and wishes she could talk to Ronnie or Chima or Jessie. Right now, at this very moment, I really wish I could hear the Big Brother voice say, "Lydia, please put on your unitard."

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Big Brother




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