Big Brother

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M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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Jerry and Judas

Late at night, Dan and Memphis bust into the women's bedroom with bandannas on their faces and wake them up with whooping and pillows. Ah, hilarity.

The veto competition is called "Cry Me a Veto." There are onions all over the place. The players will have 45 minutes to chop up onions, then carry the stinking pulp to one of two bins in their own lanes. One bin represents the Veto, and the other represents a mystery prize. Memphis goes right to work on the mystery prize, because what does he care about the veto? Besides, he could always use another crappy old car. April tries to go 50/50, which sounds like a good way to win nothing, but I'm overestimating her competitors (as usual). Libra and Jerry go on about their respective dicing strategies. Keesha DRs about how weepy onions make you, as though she's the first person to ever observe the phenomenon. On the spectators' bench, Dan and Ollie discuss how bad Jerry wants to win and send Dan home.

At the end of the competition, each bin is weighed to determine who ended up with the most onions. Memphis's mystery bin weighs 33.8 pounds, including the 17.2 pound box. April's got 27.4 pounds, Michelle 19.4, and Keesha 17.6 (some must have slipped in from her veto bin). Libra and Jerry both have essentially no onions. So Memphis wins the mystery prize, which adds another layer of mystery by making him choose between two envelopes. He picks the green one, and his big prize is an onion necklace that he's going to have to wear for the next 24 hours. Good thing he isn't going to be doing a lot of campaigning. Second-place winner April gets the other envelope, which means a designer is bringing her five outfits. Yay? Actually, April is thrilled, not least because of how jealous the thinks it'll make the other women.

So now it's time to determine the PoV winner. Memphis's bin has 25.8 pounds, April's 17.4 (so her 50/50 strategy worked, at least), Michelle's 31 at even, and Keesha has 29.8 pounds (so no veto for her). Libra's got 32 pounds in her veto bin, stealing the lead from Michelle. That leaves Jerry, whose bin weighs in at 36.8 pounds. The funny thing is that Libra instantly turns into the personification of defeat. And in the DR, Jerry congratulates himself by telling a story in which he calls himself an old cow. But he's also a giant, horny lech in the story, so at least that's consistent.

Afterward, Jerry is quietly crowing about his victory, and telling April and Ollie that he wants them to join him in calling Dan Judas. Oh, for fuck's sake, Jerry, act your age. Shit, act Jessie's age (not that Jessie did). He then goes up to Michelle to tell her that he did it for Jessie, and in return he wants Dan up as the replacement nominee. Michelle is still set on Libra going, but can't tell Jerry not to do what he wants, which is to veto Keesha. Jerry wants to punish Dan so much that he's even willing to settle for letting Dan feel what it's like to be on the block.

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Big Brother

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