Big Brother
The End Of Amy, Part Deux

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Miss Alli: C | Grade It Now!
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Good Night, Sweet Princess

And now it's time for the only funny food competition in the history of ever. No, really. They put on swimsuits (of course), and then they go out into the back yard. The game this week involves transporting water from two big pools to seven smaller pools, each of which represents one night of catered meals for the week. The only way they can move the water is by putting on big sponge suits and soaking it up, and then running over to the little pools and squeezing it out. (And yes, they all look like SpongeBob Squarepants. Except that they don't have, you know, square pants. Which SpongeBob Squarepants does. What was I saying again?) Each time they fill a little pool to a red line, they win that food for that day.

Now, the first thing to note is that the sponge suits are really awkward and heavy -- they're not like clothes or anything, they're just big square hollow sponges with a hole for your face and holes for your hands to stick out, so they're extremely cumbersome to get around in. Moreover, once you get in the fill pool to get water, they weigh even more. This competition is not easy. Lisa gets to work filling up the Surf and Turf pool, while Amy goes after the Southern BBQ. (Yee-haw!) Lisa's sponge splits open at one point, and she's also wearing one of her many bathing suit bottoms that rides low on her hips in order to better display as much of her tattoo as possible without getting CBS in trouble with the FCC, so she's working hard trying to keep her sponge on and her pants up. And that pretty much requires about four arms, which is about two more than she has. Before long, everyone starts to get really tired from the weight of the suits, and their arms start to wear out from squeezing the water out. It's really odd that something so goofy actually appears to be one of the more taxing things they've done. The best part comes at the end, when everyone is tired, and Amy falls over while standing in the little Mexican food pool squeezing out her suit. (I am giggling out loud while typing this, which almost never happens.) TIM-BEEERR! She winds up stranded on her back like a turtle, waggling her head and her hands, which are all that's sticking out of the suit. By the time they get her to her feet, Amy has soaked up all the water that was in that pool, so they don't make it. When the time expires, they all just tip over in their sponges and fall on the ground. Ah, people in funny costumes falling down. What a cheap date I am. The end tally is that they landed five nights out of seven, which is really pretty good. They didn't win the Indian food or the Mexican food, but they got the BBQ, the Surf and Turf, the Chinese, the Japanese, and the Italian. Nice job. And a funny food competition. Next season, I would like to request more tipping over.

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Big Brother

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