You know, I would preface this weecap by saying how little I was looking forward to this final episode of the show, but I can't even get it up to complain; I just need this to be O-V-E-R.
After like twenty minutes of "previously"s and pointless Chentroductions, we head to the jury house. The first six members ceremoniously gather outside, waiting for the seventh member to arrive; they'd like to see either Donato show up, though the consensus seems to be a preference for Dick not to get to the end. Jen is in the middle of a speech about what an awful person Dick is (obviously) when Zach rolls up, completely interrupting her midsentence. Everyone's bummed out. Eric tells Zach that, had he stayed in the house, it would have been a 6-1 vote for him against either Donato; Dustin can't believe that they have to vote for one of the two final, gross contestants.
At some time previous to this meeting, Eric is sent to some part of the jury house, where he gets his final America's Player instructions. America wants him to vote -- and campaign -- for Dick to win. And that's when I decided that the fix had to be in, it just had to, because the alternative has me blowing off this weecap to pack and move back to Canada immediately rather than spend another night in a Dick-loving nation. Okay, it's just a nation of Dick-loving Big Brother viewers, which is a pretty tiny sample. Still. Ew.
So now that Eric's been ordered to make his case, we cut straight back to the jury meeting so Eric can start making it. The jurors have to choose between the lesser of two evils. Zach points out that everyone on the jury has been personally attacked by Dick, and that keeping him from the big prize will send him a message that his behaviour is not okay. Bit late for that, but all right. Dustin says that handing Dick the victory will tell America (the part that watches this stupid show, at least) that being an asshole is great. Eric counters that there's nothing in the rule book that says you can't be an asshole and still win your season (see: every winner since that guy with the one leg). Eric adds that Dick had a strategy, whereas Daniele was a snivelling baby riding his coattails. Sure, with her nineteen challenge wins or whatever the hell it was. Jen reminds everyone that she saw, early on, what horrible people Dick and Daniele were and nominated them both against each other as soon as she possibly could; she thinks they're all dumb for not voting out Dick or Daniele on any of their multiple opportunities to do so. Ultimately, she says she can't reward someone like Dick, at which Dustin and Jameka nod sagely. Amber decides that now is the time to call Jen out for arranging a truce with Dick after all the horrible things he did to Jen; it's so off-topic that I'm not sure Amber realizes that Jen is no longer in contention to win. Eric's like, "ANYWAY," and steers the conversation back to the matter at hand: who deserves to win, and how did he or she get to the end? Eric thinks Dick targeted the right person at the right time throughout the season, whereas Daniele let Dick carry her and take all the bullets for her. There's some truth there, of course, but let's not forget Dick was the one advocating for death by sodomy all the livelong day. Jen isn't prepared to forget that. Dustin asks whether they can look past how horrible Dick is as a human, and examine their gameplay. Zach brings up Daniele's success in competitions, with which no one can argue. Eric resumes beating the drum for Dick, on this front as well: Dick won HoH three times, as well as the Veto that saved him from eviction. Amber adds that Dick played for two people the whole time, asshole or no. Jessica finally pipes up to say that Daniele was just as bad as Dick, but that she was just quieter. Zach says that Dick was a guard dog, and Daniele was pulling the leash; he'd go off all the time, but when she made a call, he'd abide by it. Jameka comes up with her own metaphor: Daniele was the pimp, and Dick was the ho. He did all the work, and she collected the benefits. Some truth there, too. This is always the problem when the tight alliance gets to the final two: when they put everyone on the jury and worked their evil will in concert with one another, it's hard to express a preference for one over the other. On the other hand, normally we don't know when the finalists have openly cheated, lied about their relationship, or EXPRESSED RAPE FANTASIES ABOUT THEIR FELLOW CONTESTANTS. DICK.
After commercials, it's time for a highly edited discussion between the jurors (at the jury house) and the final two contestants (still in the house). Dustin goes first: how does Daniele feel sitting next to Daniele, knowing that she said a million years ago that she would stick with Dick because she'd want to sit next to him at the end? Dick doesn't care; he never imagined getting there with anyone but Daniele.