Big Brother
The Inaugural Boot

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
When Gerry Met Salad...

Marcellas, in the diary room: "Even though I was having a real moment, I was still conscious that there was some strategy, or some strategizing that I could do within that moment." Translation: "Suckers." Ha! Brilliant.

Ominous low cello notes follow Gerry into the bathroom, where Danielle is showering. They greet each other, and he goes into the potty. She watches and waits for him to emerge. In the diary room, she begins to rant. "People who don't wash their nasty hands when they come out 'the bathroom, I have a problem with that." Gerry emerges, and does not wash his nasty hands. He does, however, brush his teeth. Danielle notices this, and it occurs to her that he does a lot of cooking. Out in the living room, Chiara, Lisa, and Tonya discuss the scandal that is Gerry's failure to wash. Tonya mentions that he didn't wash his hands when he came in the other day to make the salad.

And now, seriously, this is one of my favorite sequences in the history of this show, ever. It's vegetables, but it's also true crime. It's like The Tell-Tale Artichoke Heart. We open with an extremely sinister black-and-white shot of Gerry's hands all over the salad. Get it? He tossed the salad! With his hands! Don't feel afraid yet? Listen to the music! (As to the merits of the debate, I don't claim to be the world's most meticulous person, but I would never ever make a salad to be eaten by other people and toss it with my hands unless I had made a great display of washing my hands six times with soap in full view of everyone to whom I intended to serve it.) ["There is also no evidence that Gerry, say, left the john without washing his hands -- which is gross, I agree -- but then didn't wash them, in the kitchen, before preparing food. And furthermore, given that these people routinely hang out in the can telling tales of broken engagements and playing cards and whatnot, I don't know why they're suddenly all Howard Hughes about bathroom cooties." -- Wing Chun] In the diary room, Danielle obsesses about Gerry's hygiene. And now black-and-white Gerry's hands are in the salad again! It's a close-up! Of his hands! In the salad! Back in the living room, Tonya says that they're going to have to mention this to Gerry the next time they notice it, because she doesn't want to "catch anything" or be "eating somebody's urine." Josh, by the way, is lying with his head in Tonya's lap, trying to get her boobs to rub against his ear. Now, black-and-white Gerry is shoving salad into his mouth! With his hands! Salad! Hands! Gerry's privates! The bathroom! Hands! Mouths! Gerry! It all fits together! If you concentrate, you can actually see individual E.coli bacteria on the romaine leaves, wearing sparkly outfits and doing the Hustle. And all because Gerry didn't wash his hands.

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Big Brother




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