Big Brother
The Inaugural Boot

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Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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When Gerry Met Salad...

Roddy and Chiara. Now I find this segment kinda funny, because I think he's mostly messing with her, and she sort of doesn't get it. He starts in while they're sitting around outside, saying, "So, when are we gonna smooch?" "Not for a while," she responds. "How long do you think?" "Probably about five weeks." Hmm. I could be wrong, but I think she blew this exchange. (No pun intended.) I think he was attempting banter, not asking an actual question, in which case her line is something more like, "I don't know. I mean, do you really think that's likely?" I'm concerned that he gave her the set and she failed to spike it. At least that's what I would have done. Of course, now she's in bed with him, and I'm...you know, TYPING, so...you do the math. Anyway, they flirt, they spoon, night-vision cuddling, and so on. Among other things, she refers to him as "Hottie." Instead of "Roddy." Sadly, I'm really not sure Chiara's wit goes very far beyond rhyming. In the diary room, Roddy talks about flirting with Chiara, and calls her "a lot of fun" and "a great girl." Oh, my. Talk about Phrases of Death. He also says "I keep tellin' her I'm gonna kiss her" in such a way that you can tell he goes on to explain that he's not necessarily serious about it -- but that, of course, is edited out. Later, as they're lying in bed, he whispers that he learned something today, and she asks what. "I learned you're a super-great girl." Yes, he actually says she's a "super-great girl," which is quite possibly the most sexless compliment of all time, except for "super-great gal," which I'm sure he almost said. Ugh. Correctly, she tells him he's a dork. I just can't decide whether I want to snuggle up to him for the season or not.

Gerry attempts to give Marcellas a strategy lecture using playing cards. It is the worst strategy lecture you have ever seen, even if you were personally there when the Bay of Pigs invasion was planned. Its entire purpose is to point out that Marcellas needs five votes in his favor to stay in the house. Thanks, Gerry. Gerry calls himself "Machiavellian." Oh, lordy. "Machiavellian"? Yeah, right. He was all about demonstrating strategy with playing cards.

As Gerry continues to explain how hard he is "working" all the "points of contact," we see him meet with Josh, Eric, and Amy and talk about strategy. Only Gerry could make Big Brother sound like Total Quality Management. Josh says that Lori is the "one person in the house who is working people." Eric takes a stab at defending Lori, and pointedly says that he trusts her more than [implied soundtrack: "Dun-dun-dunnnn..."] Danielle. More dented tubas. Gerry ferries this info directly to Dani, advising her to make some advances to Eric posthaste, or she's likely to find herself on the next one-way eviction train to Julieville. He promises to "watch her back," and seriously, I am exhausted from hearing these people discuss the having and watching of each other's backs. Enough already with the gangster loyalty speeches. ("They send one of yours to the diary room, you send one of theirs to the hot tub!") Gerry also tells Danielle that he's getting tired of "mentoring" Josh. Wow, the notion of Gerry mentoring Josh suggests to me such an utter black hole of strategic thinking that I have to grip the arms of my chair in order to feel secure that I will not be sucked forward into it. Gerry tells us that Danielle is a more "useful" ally than Josh. I think WorldCom is a more useful ally than Josh at this particular moment.

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Big Brother

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