Big Brother
The King Is Dead. Long Live the King!

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B+ | Grade It Now!
The King Is Dead. Long Live the King!

In the bedroom, Will tells Nicole to tell him how to vote. "Hey, just trust me," he says, and cracks a classic Evil Doctor grin. Nicole shakes her head.

Big Blue Chair of Will Ought to Get Some Kind of TV Show After This Is Over. Will says it's very important that he lie to Nicole. He wants her to stab Hardly in the back one last time, he says. "I want her to give him the death blow," he cackles.

And she does, as Will says, "very subtly and very slowly" backstab Hardly, asking Will "what Shannon would think" if he didn't get rid of Hardly, for example. When Will asks Nicole to cut his hair, she tells him she doesn't feel like doing that until Friday. After the vote. "That's a half-million-dollar haircut!" Will says. Nicole laughs.

Will is just making himself right at home in the Diary Room. "The advantages of keeping Nicole in the house are: one, I get a cooked meal every night and I don't have to cook for myself and...." He trails off and shoots the camera a blank stare.

In yet another Big Blue Chair session, Will wonders whether he ought to take care of Hardly now or later. Now, or later. Now...or later? "It's about love, it's about money, and for me, this is one of the biggest decisions I'll make in my life," Will explains. Man, Will is totally just jerking us around, here. You know he's already made his decision, but he's just drawing it all out for suspense. Or something. And yet, because he has me in his funny, evil thrall, I do not care.

Eventually, Hardly tells us that he's "not going through this bullshit for charity." He's going through it for himself! And so he's "putting [his] best foot forward." In other words, he's being as nice to Will as possible with the hopes that he'll get to stick around another week.

It'sOnica tells us that she's "prayed for folk in here." Did It'sOnica always use the word "folk" this much? Because she's said it about sixty times this week. "They know not what they do," she muses. No, I think they do know what they do, and that makes it worse.

Will sings to the camera that his only regret in the world is that he can't evict both Hardly and Nicole!

Cue six hundred years of filler. People have lived and died in the time they're taking to get to the vote, here. Most of this filler is devoted to It'sOnica, and her Flying Under the Radar strategery, and her dancing, and the early days of the show, which I can't go back to, because seeing the shots of, like, Shannon, and Autumn makes me feel like I'm flashing back to 'Nam or something. Anyway, blah blah Krusta blah blah they don't think I can win blah blah turning point blah blah blah blah blah. "If my life in the Big Brother house was a movie, it would be titled How [It'sOnica] Got Her Groove Back," It'sOnica tells us.

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Big Brother




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