Big Brother

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The Ugly Truth, Only Uglier

There's a luxury competition, and the two losers have to watch the new movie The Ugly Truth. Except some of the people are acting like they want to see it, which is very confusing to me. In any case, everyone adjourns to the back yard, where Ronnie introduces the host for the game: Dan! The winner for last season! I'm so surprised! All the houseguests look excited to see him, except for Jessie, of course, because some of the weight he put on since last year is from the foot that Dan broke off in his ass.

So the game is like a version of The Newlywed Game, where each player has to try to answer a dual-choice (as opposed to multiple-choice) question about each houseguest of the opposite sex. It starts with the guys having to guess something about each woman, one at a time. Except with the "twist" that the person the question is about has to come out in an embarrassing costume to reveal the correct answer. And everyone acts like this is hilarious. Casey wins for the men, getting all but one right. The women's round results in a three-way tie between Michele, Chima, and Natalie, but that's beside the point, because I will never be able to unsee Ronnie waving a lightsaber around in a gold lame Princess Leia costume. Shudder. The tiebreaker question is about how many minutes it takes for Dan to move in for a kiss on a first date. Turns out Dan takes his time, so Chima wins with her guess of 120 minutes, as opposed to the actual 243. I was going to ask who'd spend four hours with Dan to begin with, but then I remembered I spent thirty-some with him last summer, so I'm not one to talk. So Casey and Chima get to watch a romantic comedy together, even though they hate each other. Like most leads at the beginning of romantic comedies, come to think of it! Obviously this shared experience will make them see each other in a new light and they'll realize they were meant to be together just before the end of the live finale in September. But first, Chima and Casey have to decide which of the four cliques has to be the Have-Nots for the week. Casey suggests the Athletes, Chima wants the Popular, and when he doesn't immediately cave, she threatens him with eviction, since her teammate is HoH. So then Casey caves, letting Chima be the bad guy. Chima's only too happy to play that role.

America's Vote: for the next competition (not this one, obviously, since it's already over), we get to vote on what the Have-nots will have to eat: sauerkraut and seaweed, cabbage and cocktail weenies, or pickled eggs and pickled herring. Yeah, I think I'll abstain.

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Big Brother

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