Keith introduces himself as being from a matchmaking service rather than a deacon. "I want them to feel comfortable coming to me, especially the ladies." OH MY GOD there's not a church in the country that's going to hire him after this, with the possible exception of Westboro Baptist. Adam tells everyone he's from Hoboken, a metalhead who loves bacon and Beverly Hills 90210." Then there's a montage of everyone mocking him by doing metal-roars in the DR.
Shelly talks about her marriage and her eight-year-old daughter. Kalia says she's a writer, and in the DR, Keith is impressed by her "puppies." He's been hanging around junior high boys waaaay too much. Dominic says he's a college student who models. He seems to be Porsche's type. She goes next, explaining that her parents named her after the car. Well, I didn't think they named her after the Merchant of Venice character. She claims she's a "student," when she's really a VIP cocktail waitress, because she doesn't want people to think her life is too cushy. I think there's more danger of them thinking she's an idiot. Lawon says he'll forget everyone's name and slap nicknames on all of them instead. Cassi's about three words into her intro before Keith hits on her, and she keeps her modeling job to herself, to avoid the stigma. Toast to all. Alas, none of them chokes.
Julie's back, reminding us that three former BB duos will be back for a second shot. I don't even care who it is because I already know I'll hate them all.
Julie's at her spot next to the viewscreen as she tells us the houseguests are about to be "blindsided." Like, anyone who goes on this show not expecting to be blindsided by this point only has blind sides. Julie alludes to the fact that they'll be forced to play in pairs, but we'll get the full skinny along with the eight Stevie Wonders in a minute. The HGs are assembled in the living room so she can talk to them, reminding them to "expect the unexpected." Julie hints at "dynamic duos," alluding to Dan and Memphis, Rachel and Brendon, and Will and Mike Boogie. She pauses between all the names so we can savor each individual shudder. Julie breaks the news that they will be partnering with someone in the room, and tells them to choose wisely. "If you win Head of Household, you and your partner will be safe for the week. But instead of nominating two individual houseguests, you will be nominating one duo." Meaning the duo will have to campaign against each other.