Big Brother
The Return of the Dick

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: D | Grade It Now!
Couples Grief Counseling

Adam's still pissed off, taking it personally. The twelve of them sit around worried. And then the doorbell rings again, and since there's a commercial break before we find out who it is, it's going to suck. A. Lot. If it's two Jessies, I quit.

But in comes... Evel Dick. Danielle slinks in behind him, looking corpse-like with black hair, probably hoping that people will fail to either recognize her or associate her with Dick. Dick DRs that he's back to win twice. Adam says Dick is his favorite player, which makes me like Adam even less, and compares seeing him to meeting Tori Spelling, which I actually kind of agree with, although for different reasons than Adam's. Lawon is overwhelmed. "My mind is like a Twizzler, but you know what? Bring it." He's gone. Keith says that after seeing Danielle, he's "thinking about kicking Porsche to the curb." OH MY GOD STOP TALKING. Brendon says Danielle must be an amazing person, to be able to put up with Dick. Which is an amazing remark, given who Brendon puts up with. Dick introduces himself to the fellow HGs as "The only winner here," as if Jordan isn't in the room. He quickly rallies, calling her "The most likable winner of them all." High praise indeed. "We're all winners here," Jeff lies. Awkward silence. Dick announces he's going upstairs, and while he's up on the mezzanine for no other reason than to make everyone else look up at him, he offhandedly mentions that he and Danielle haven't spoken in three years. Those must have been three good years for Danielle. In the DR, Dick boasts while Danielle sits as far away from him as possible, looking pained. In fact, I don't think she's said a word on camera yet. In the DR, Jeff isn't entirely buying it, but admits it works for them. Dominic maintains that the original eight need to stick together if they're going to have a chance. Which they won't, and which they don't. Then Julie says the HoH competition and the "final twist" are coming up. Of course they are.

The back yard is decorated in jungle mode, with giant bananas hanging from the overhead grid, causing Lawon to imitate a monkey in the DR. Clearly Lawon's strategy is to make as much noise as possible at all times. Jeff thinks that the dynamic in the house is going to be vets versus newbies, so he's pulling for the former group. Sounds like a solid strategy. With the pairs outside in matching t-shirts, Julie tells them the game is called "Going Bananas." The people who come up with the competition titles are bringing their A-game as always. So are the competition designers, because this is a simple endurance competition in which each houseguest has to hold onto a giant plastic banana hanging from overhead -- two per banana, with each duo sharing a banana. They clamp on, and the bananas are raised above the yard. Cassi and Shelly are nervous about their "strategy," because they're the only ones who are both hanging from the top instead of one sitting on top of the other. While the bananas swing gently back and forth, they're sprayed with chocolate from off-screen. You know, just because. Shelly soon slips off. Of course she DRs that she threw it, per an agreement with Cassi. Jordan and her pixilated ass-crack fall off next. "Big shocker," Jeff DRs. Keith can't get comfortable on Porsche's head and falls, which is probably going to symbolize their whole relationship. Down go Cassi and Lawon, so it's already not looking good for the newbies. Dominic is feeling uncomfortable with Adam trying to boost him up with his big bald head, as almost anyone would. Dick figures he's the biggest target. Indeed, he does seem to have packed on a few. Adam slips, and gives a metal-roar of rage from the ground. Jeff is starting to slip, but at least he lands on his feet before letting out one of his trademarked blurred curses. Dominic falls, and of the original eight, that leaves only Porsche and Kalia still in the game. Brendon lets go without pulling down Rachel, which sadly also symbolizes their relationship. Dick's the last man hanging. Kalia falls, leaving only Porsche from the O8 still in it. "I spend most of my time on bananas," Rachel says from atop her fruity perch.

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Big Brother




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