Big Brother
The Spirit Of Fairness

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The Spirit Of Fairness

Topiary animals welcome us back from the commercials, and then we learn all about Dick the Name Dropper. We see Daniele complaining about it to Amber, as well as Dick demonstrating it himself by trying and failing to impress Kail with stories about Madonna and Richard Gere, and then Joe by talking about dating Jerri from Survivor, and someone else about Johnny Depp. Kail seems to know how to let the air out of a name-dropper, which is to ask him about someone he's never met, in this case Jon Bon Jovi. Dick claims the only reason he hasn't met him is because he's from New Jersey. Yet he continues name-dropping, all over the house! Alice Cooper! The Ataris! Someone from Jackass! Someone from The Brady Bunch! Some houseguest is going to trip on all these names lying around. And then Kail lets me down by being impressed that Dick once had dinner with Cher. Oh, Kail.

Amber shares a hammock with Dustin and Carol, telling them all about her single momhood, interspersed with a weepy DR about how she wants to give her own mom -- also single -- "like, $25,000, and be like, 'here.'" I think she intends it as a gesture of gratitude. Carol DRs about how dependent Amber's kids are on her. So…maybe they should vote Amber out before her kids starve.

In the HoH room, Kail is already talking alliance with Mike. They also decide to bring Zack and Nick into their group of four. They wonder if they should approach a woman as well, and then when the camera shows them Daniele, they decide they don't trust her any more because of her earlier "conversating" with her dad. Yeah, sneaky bitch. Zach gets invited in, and Kail tells the guys to pick the fourth for their Final Four, which is her way of making them think it was their idea and not hers to select Nick. Nick says it's a good secret alliance, calling Kail "Mrs. Robinson" in the Diary Room. So now, with her alliance in place, Kail has to figure out whom to actually nominate. Speaking as a fellow thirty-seven-year-old, I suggest Nick for that "Mrs. Robinson" crack.

Commercials. Have you heard anything about this Pirate Master show? I think it looks retarded.

Time for the first food competition. Everyone sits in the living room and divides themselves into Red and Blue teams almost instantly, just based on how they're randomly sitting. When they go out into the back yard, they see two big old eight-foot-tall boxes with pumps on top marked "BIG BROTHER BUTTER" and two giant boxes of popcorn. "I don't want butter on me," someone complains, even before the game is explained. Still, it's a fair assumption. "We said 'Go, Blue!' because we're on the blue team," Jessica tells us with typical incisiveness. She also adds that Blue is mostly big guys (and Eric), while Red has a predominance of women. "It was big hair versus big bodies," Jessica adds with uncharacteristic cleverness, unaware that the DR camera had to be readjusted to accommodate her pompadour.

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Big Brother

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