Big Brother
The Spirit Of Fairness

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The Spirit Of Fairness

Kail reads the instructions for the competition, which is going to consist of people covering themselves with butter and then getting it scraped off by their teammates into the popcorn, and whichever team gets the least butter into their vat is going to be eating Big Brother Slop for the next week. The teams split up to strategize, which in the Red team's case seems to involve a lot of figuring out how to not get touched by Dick. Dick claims he doesn't care anyway. And then when the game starts, he's atop the butter pump, serving as a pumper. For like ten minutes, people are taking turns under a butter shower, running back and forth to get squeegeed off into their team's popcorn vat. Jameka doesn't think anyone was turned on by the spectacle, but she underestimates Zach's libido and the slo-mo editors. The Blue team says their strategy was to outnumber Red in number of trips, but they quickly realized that Red had an advantage in the form of Amber's giant hair. And indeed, all the women are wringing gobbets and gobbets of goo from their hair into the popcorn. Yummy. If this show ruins nachos for me next, I'm going to write a very strongly worded letter. When the sliming is over and the vats are weighed, Blue turns out to have gotten 37 pounds, while Red got 77 pounds. There's no way of knowing how much of that was hair. Despite being on the losing team, Jameka isn't too worried about having to eat slop, because oatmeal is one of her favorite foods.

The giant vats of slop are waiting for them in the kitchen, and they all hate their first taste of it, including Jameka. Yes, yes, the slop is gross. Let's move on.

Joe and Dustin decide to have themselves a little heart-to-heart. Dustin tells Joe that he shakes when he thinks about him. "I shake like an epileptic in an arcade." Hee. But things go pretty quickly south, as Joe accuses Dustin of lying and cheating and only being out for himself. "The only thing you ever did for me was make me feel pretty." Hey, don't knock that. The hammock fight continues, until Dustin DRs that he thinks all the drama around the two of them is going to make them targets for the next two weeks. Seriously, this whole gonorrhea thing is going to be their "We were on a break!"

Daniele's doing her ablutions, and Dick comes in to try to have a talk, but his daughter's totally freezing him out. Which, given his opening gambits include pointing out that her tag is poking out of the top of her pants, isn't hard. "Typical Daniele," he DRs. Back in the bathroom, he tells Daniele that he's never felt so much like he was entering a group of people who didn't like him immediately. Daniele cuts him a skeptical glance, and I agree that that's pretty tough to believe. She then just tells him to try and be more relaxed, like everyone else in the house is. You know, like Joe and Dustin. Dick says he thinks things are going to divide along gender lines, so hey, why not start campaigning for each other? "I would die for my daughter, without thought," Dick boasts in the DR room. I'm sur he means that to me a highly emotional statement, but I suspect that the list of other things Dick would do without thought is a very long one. Daniele in turn DRs that she's okay with them having each other's backs, and she'll see how things go.

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Big Brother

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