Big Brother
Big Brother

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B+ | 511 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Smell Ya Later, Shannon!

Monica purses her lips. "I think Chill Town thought their shit didn't stink," she says.

Diary Room. Hardy explains the beauty of his immunity offer to Mike. Because he didn't nominate Mike, Hardy thinks Will and Shannon will suspect that Mike took the deal and put the two of them up on the chopping block. That's pretty clever of Hardy, although part of his plan is contingent on Will's and Shannon's putting two and two together, and that's seeming less and less likely with each episode. In the living room, Hardy warns Nicole, Kent, and Bunky that they had better not tell anyone in Chill Town that Mike refused the immunity offer. "If any word of this gets back to anybody, I swear to God, I'll cut the nuts off the person I hear it from," Hardy says. "I don't have nuts," Bunky says. "I have nuts, don't think I don't," Nicole snarks. Man, Hardy's totally got them in line, doesn't he? They're all in "jump"/"how high?" mode. I'm beginning to think that Hardy's like the hardbody love child of Richard Hatch and Colby WhateverColby'sLastNameWas. ["Donaldson." -- Wing Chun] Good-looking, yet fully dressed, and comes complete with all the master plan-y plots.

Nicole, Kent, Bunky, and Hardy snicker. It seems that Will is still under the impression that he has them all snowed, thinking they all still like him. "I'm just as nice as I can be to him," Bunky says. "Then I'm gonna nail him!" Everyone laughs appreciatively. Hardy tells the assembled that he's not even trying to win the game at this point, which is what Chill Town doesn't understand about his plan. His goal is not to win $500,000, he says, but to get "those [bleep]ers out of [his] house."

Big Blue Chair of Unethical and Soon-to-Be-Disbarred Physicians. Will says that he's making it his "personal vendetta" to get Hardy out of the house. Good luck with that.

Will and Mike sit around the back yard and discuss their plan to take Hardy down. Except, of course, that their plan involves one of the two of them winning HoH next week, and even if that happens, they don't have the numbers to pull off the vote, because I really don't think the non-Chill Towners will agree to evict the only guy in their group who seems to have even a semblance of a plan. Do these two really think they have any power left? They're fools. Mike outlines their plan for the rest of the week: they can just "cool out, and troubleshoot and play the sorry heart." Will and Mike agree that this plan will work really well with the women in the house. "And Bunky," Mike says. "He's like a chick." Nice. "Hardy just put a big fat fucking X on his back," Mike finishes, and then he and Will talk about how dumb Hardy is for, like, twenty minutes. Yeah, except for the part where he's totally playing you, assholes. "He's gonna find out why someone owns a club and why someone just works there," Mike snips, getting out of his folding chair and strutting into the house. I think Mike ought to sit in on that lesson, too, since according to papers at The Smoking Gun, he doesn't technically own Belly at all. Wouldn't it be sweet, sweet revenge if Hardy won the half mil, and used it to buy Belly, and then fired Mike? And then, like, pointed and laughed and then, like, kicked him, really really hard? Not like I advocate physical violence, because, "hypothetically," I do not.

Big Brother

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