Big Brother
Big Brother

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 467 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
You, Go! And You, Too!

Filler segment: It turns out that Janelle wins at poker, too. She clearly doesn't know what she's doing, but good enough cards will compensate for that any one time you play. It's not surprising. She just does seem to be incredibly lucky, which...is just the way some people are. If unbeatable cards were going to happen to anyone, they would certainly happen to Janelle, whose ass sprouts four-leaf clovers. You'll also not be surprised to hear that she's still just about an ungracious and gloating a winner as you can get, and she would not get invited back to any card game she attended.

And now, we pay our obligatory visit to Erika's HoH room. I think I've seen this bedding set at Wal-Mart. Basically, Erika has the flower motif, so her bedspread has a giant flower, and the pillows have flowers, and there are big decorative flowers sticking out of everything. And she has pictures around all over of all her friends, including her "best friend Erika." As my best friend texted me immediately, isn't that not just her best friend Erika, but her best friend Erika? The picture on the CBS site isn't very representative of what Amazing Race 5 Erika looks like, but I'm pretty sure we're right. In which case...doesn't this Erika know anyone who isn't from reality television? If she's unhappy a lot, that might be why. Anyway, in the diary room, Will tells us that the room just had too many goddamn flowers in it. "It looked like a florist had an epileptic seizure," he explains. That is a disappointingly lame comment coming from Will, given what that room looks like. I expected more. Maybe he's saving it for later, when he makes out with the pole. (Spoiler!)

Everyone reviews a photo of the BB4 cast. Will notices that Jee is sort of peering up from behind everyone in order to be seen. "They won't even let the Asian guy in the picture," he observes. "He should be saying, '"Jee," I'm not in the picture.'" Hee. And: true. "I'm no Brad Pitt," Will observes in the DR, "but the Season-4 cast photo?" He pauses. "Looked like a bunch of beasts." He claims to be able to understand how the virgin had remained a virgin, and then he tells us, "That's an ugly group of people." George, less interested than Will is in measuring everyone's looks against those of plastic-surgery patients, is distracted by the cookies that Erika's mom sent, which he can't eat, of course. You can actually see a break in Mike's "cool kat" façade here, because he breaks out in a sympathetic laugh at George's predicament and at his pathetic moan of "home-made chocolate-chip cookies!" In the DR, Mike says, "George looked like he was going to eat the Ziploc bag as well as the cookies, and take a penalty nomination." In this DR session, Mike is wearing a shirt that says "Beat Box Champ." He is so lacking in the ironic sensibility necessary to pull that shirt off, I cannot even tell you. Not a close call. "Cookies," George whimpers.

Big Brother

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