Big Brother
Veteran's Day

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M. Giant: C | Grade It Now!
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Milking It

"Holy Cow!" Rachel bellows as she leaps out of the DR exit in a milkman's cap and some kind of multicolored cow outfit. Apparently it's time for the first Have/Have Not competition. HoH Rachel and her partner Brendon are automatically Haves, but everyone else has to team up in groups of four: Keith, Porsche, Adam (who worries about losing his bacon) and Dominic on the green team; Kalia, Lawon, Shelly, and Cassi on the orange team ("basically I'm on a team full of girls," Kalia zings), and the blue team of Dick, Danielle, Jeff and Jordan. They're doing a great job of keeping the veteran alliance secret, aren't they?

The backyard is some kind of moonscape with colored ramps and a big milk fountain. Rachel explains the game: essentially, they'll have to soak up milk in their spongy cow costumes, then run over and squeeze it out into half a dozen large jugs. The last team to finish will be the Have-Nots for the week. That's pretty much it, only the explanation that Rachel has to read contains a lot more bad cow and space puns. Jordan is not entirely on board with this: "If I was a cow, I would definitely not want to be on the moon. That would be weird. I would rather be on a farm with all the other cows." Can't get anything past her.

The milk-jumping begins. Three members of each team run to the fountain, then run to the ramp and lie down while the designated "milkman" on each team bounces on top of them to squeeze the milk into a grate, through a hose, and into the jugs. Green takes an early lead, with Blue close behind and Orange last. Lawon tries to get more milk out of Kalia by twisting her head. Milkman Jeff describes the noises from Dick as "a shot bear in the woods." Keith seems to enjoy bouncing up and down on his teammates, regardless of gender. "Keith, I love you like a friend," Adam DRs. Since there's really no strategy involved in this, the rankings hold up throughout the competition, and the Blue team of veterans wins, taking a celebratory dip in the milk fountain. It's down to Green and Orange, with the latter down by an entire jug. So Green gets second, meaning that the Orange team of Lawon, Kalia, Shelly, and Cassi are the have-nots for the week. Lawon takes it well, but Dick says it's all part of his strategy to demoralize the newbies. Which I'm sure is the only reason he wanted to be a Have this week.

On to the Have-Not room, which looks like an improvement over the previous one; instead of a bug-filled shithole, this time it's a padded cell, with four thin pads pressed together to sleep on. The worst thing about it is the bright lights shining down on the sleeping pads, which apparently can never be turned off. Okay, that would suck. But maybe they can fashion sleep masks out of the slop they'll be easting this week.

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Big Brother

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